


the boy with the blue umbrella

by markleeder



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: /still uses tags anyway, JaeMin, M/M, NCT Dream - Freeform, Noren, ahhh let's do this, ghost!jaemin, i just dont want to give away the spoilers so soon, markhyuck, marklee, markmin, mentions of Jisung and Chenle, mentions of SR16G's Hina, mentions of astro's Moonbin and Rocky, more characters will be added with the second half, siblings!taemark, siblings!yumin, so hold on a little longer, the markmin fic nobody asked for, unbeta-d, using the tags like i should actually use the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8701441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markleeder/pseuds/markleeder
Summary: in which Minhyung is taken with the boy and his blue umbrella.(Minhyung finds himself, the dusk of each day at the same darned bench by the junction.And it wasn’t surprising anymore really, when each day he came, he came to the sight of a boy with a blue umbrella)





	1. Meeting

-

 

Where Minhyung lives is a small town, surrounded by hills and a little low on temperature throughout the year. It rains occasionally and the population is small, the days even more so. The town wakes up after 8am and the streets look deserted by 9pm. There are four schools with higher secondary education, one university in town and Minhyung is thankful most days because school starts at 10am. It doesn’t help that school ends at 4 pm though, but it’s something he’s learned to live with when they actually close down school for a good quarter of the year. It’s too cold to function then, really.

Minhyung is a senior at high school and at this moment, when’s school’s letting out, he doesn’t really understand the not-so subtle squealing around him near the gates. Then he spots Taeyong, his elder brother, and of course, things are not so surprising anymore.

Taeyong is a final year student at the local university. His schedule this semester matches the time Minhyung gets out of school. So under the very threatening command of their mother, they were to walk home together. And while Minhyung swore he was more than capable of walking himself home, like he has been for all this time, he doesn’t really dare disobey his mother.

 “I’ll be right behind you. Wait for me at the junction” Taeyong says.

“Why? You came to pick me up and now you’re going to let me go by myself?” Minhyung protests, like he’s supposed to. He doesn’t mind, to be honest.

“See” Taeyong grabs his shoulder “I’ve got someone to impress and they’re walking this way right now. You gotta scram”

“Who is it?” Minhyung peers around his brother’s shoulder.

“Someone in university with me. Come on now, go!” Taeyong seems determined to make him leave.

“Why can’t you just introduce me to them?” Minhyung is very curious now.

“Because!” Taeyong waves his hands as if that made things clearer. His eyes widen sternly, ready to reprimand Minhyung for something he hasn’t done, yet.

“Because what?” because Minhyung doesn’t like backing off this soon either.

“Because I’m about to stutter and make a complete fool of myself and I don’t need you laughing for side effects” Taeyong says. He has to look up at Minhyung now. But even if Minhyung has gained a few inches over his brother, it doesn’t make Taeyong any less frightening.

“You? Stuttering? Don’t lie to me. You’re my perfect big brother, you don’t fucking stutter”

“That’s what I used to think too” Taeyong shoves him gently “and mind your language you little twit. Wait for me down by the junction okay?”

“You gotta give me a name at least”

“Minhyung!”

“Okay, okay I’m leaving!”

 

It’s a long winding route down from the foothills of the range where his school is. Midway down is the junction Taeyong wants him to wait at. After the descent, they have to trek uphill for another half an hour to make it home. Minhyung slips on his headphones, immediately switching to the playlist with all the new hits that hardly make it to the racks in their town. He nods at the souvenir shop ladies politely and at acquaintances from the food stalls who like to give him discounts. It’s the last row of stores before the junction then, neatly tucked behind an arcade. Just beyond the last store of the arcade is a solitary bench, the one he’s so used to crossing daily, he doesn’t even have to look up to see he’s reached before settling comfortably into it and leaning onto the right armrest.

He shifts back, sighing into the lazy beat and tapping his foot to keep up. The sun is setting behind the hills right in from of him. It has been really long since he has watched the sunset. It disappears very quickly, light on the town fading but Minhyung waits for that twinkle of finality.

He supresses his yawn for that moment, only stretching out wide open lethargically after it happens. Then something else happens too.

“What the hell?” he almost jumps mid-stretch, startled out of his wits, “since when have you been there?” he blurts impolitely, without much thought. There’s someone else on the bench beside him, a seat’s gap in between.

“That’s just rude”, the boy says, “I was here before you”

“No you weren’t” Minhyung deliberates, because how could he have missed? It’s too much to take in suddenly. The boy looks as old as him and those grey-white uniforms are definitely worn by those from the south branch of the school. There’s an umbrella too, why is there an umbrella—

“Maybe if you were actually watching the road instead of dancing embarrassingly to that music, you’d have noticed a person sitting on the bench” the boy turns to look at Minhyung then, a mild glare of disapproval on his handsome features.

“I’m a good dancer I’ll have you know” Minhyung retaliates, as soon as he’s done being blown over by those eyes staring at him.

The boy outright scoffs. “That’s beside the point. Being that you should watch where you’re going. Ignoring the fact that completely missed an entire person, that on the footpath too, I seriously wonder how you make it alive across roads with those stupid headphones on and no awareness of what’s happening around you. Don’t you know this is an accident prone zone?” he looks away, back at the roads in front of them.

“….it isn’t” Minhyung feels small. He’s getting lectured by a complete stranger and he’s listening. His wonderful tendencies of zoning out have promptly failed him. He’s out of things to say.

“Latest death was barely a month ago. 7 deaths in the last 3 years. Pretty bad for a quiet neighbourhood like ours” the boy says, a little less bitter.

“God you’re such a nerd”, Minhyung hears himself saying. That’s what happens when there are no nice comebacks, not to mention he’s completely distracted by the light blue canopy of the umbrella open above the boy.

“If knowing the stats for my safety makes me a nerd so be it. Call me a nerd, you’re a weirdo yourself”

“Says the one sitting with an umbrella open at dusk. It’s not even cloudy. Sun’s down too. What’s up with the theatre prop?”

“That’s a real umbrella. And I have reasons. None that I’m obligated to explain to you” he turns to look at Minhyung with the expression Minhyung knows to associate with this-conversation-is-over.

“Tch” Minhyung makes a face. “Fine” he mutters to himself and adjusts his headphones.

The boy looks away.

He must find these crossroads really interesting, Minhyung thinks, unable to resist peeking out of the corner of his eyes. The footpath branches diagonally a few feet from the bench. One forks to the left and meets the perpendicular road while the other goes on straight down a few more feet to the crossing. Minhyung has to go on straight later, wait for the signal and he guesses the boy wants to go across from the way he’s been looking at the opposite side of the road.

There’s also this really nice way the boy’s uniform fits him, even if it’s the white pants, grey half sweater and that navy blue blazer he’s come to hate purely out of rivalry between the East and South branches of their schools. He’s of the opinion that the East uniform looks much smarter, even if it’s the obnoxious orange blazer over black pants.

Minhyung realises between multiple random thoughts that he hasn’t really been listening to the last four songs.

“How long are you going to sit there?” he asks the boy suddenly.

The boy turns to him, eyes bordering on icy “How long are _you_ going to sit there?”

“I’m waiting for someone” Minhyung says, unfazed.

“So am I” he gets in response. And he’s turned away again, with no attempts to continue what could have been a conversation. Minhyung looks back up the road dejectedly. Back to waiting then.

Taeyong appears a beat later.

“Hyung!” Minhyung waves.

“Hey. Let’s go” Taeyong speed walks past, motioning for him to follow.

Minhyung jogs to catch up and looks back at the bench. The umbrella hides the boy’s face. If Taeyong has noticed something, he doesn’t ask. Minhyung doesn’t say anything.

 

-

 

“So?” Minhyung asks later.

“So what?” Taeyong knows what Minhyung wants to know. No point in beating around the bush.

“Was this ‘someone’ impressed?” Minhyung asks.

“I don’t think so” Taeyong says with a sad smile.

“Why not?” Minhyung seems surprised.

“I just get all tongue tied when it’s time to talk” Taeyong says.

“I still can’t believe there’s a person in this world you’re uncool with” Minhyung sniggers, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Hey!”

“I have got to meet her”

“Him”

“Him?”

“Yeah” Taeyong positively reddens.

Minhyung’s taken aback for a second there.

“That’s awesome. I’m making him my best friend” he declares immediately and dashes ahead.

“Minhyung!”

 

-

 

For the sake of avoiding Taeyong’s appearance at school they decide to meet directly at the junction. So Minhyung finds himself, the dusk of each day at the same darned bench by the junction.

And it wasn’t surprising anymore really, when each day he came, he came to the sight of a boy with a blue umbrella, already seated on the bench.

They usually just sit in silence, the boy silently observing the people passing by, one leg neatly crossed over the other and umbrella open, shaft going over his right shoulder. Minhyung on the other hand aggressively bobs his head to music blaring from his headphones, tapping his feet to the beat, never still.

There is no conversation till one day Minhyung glances at the boy between beats and more often than not, he starts to feel like his playlist is not the thing he should be paying attention to anymore.

He’s curious about the boy who he finds the same way over and over. The same posture, same blue umbrella, same quiet. How can anyone stay silent for as long he has? Minhyung had expected a retort or two for his exceedingly irritable swagger tendencies when he’s lost behind the headphones, music deafeningly loud against his eardrums.

“Hey” Minhyung tries one time.

“Hmm?” the boy seems considerably less irritable than the first time.

“Your school ends at 4 doesn’t it?” Minhyung asks

“So?” the boy says, eyes trained on the road. Minhyung’s trying to be a little polite, but the boy won’t even look at him while talking. Doesn’t stop Minhyung from asking questions though.

“How do you get over to this side of town so fast?” Minhyung asks again.

“I run” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. It isn’t, to Minhyung, especially when where they live is full of narrow sloped routes and steep staircases.

Small exchanges like these have gotten them started on this awkward bench relationship. Minhyung doesn’t like calling it that but if he’s going to see this boy and his blue umbrella every single day, he might as well make the best of it. Keeping quiet is not really his thing and his playlist on repeat also seems so very boring these days.

“Did you know we hate your uniform?” Minhyung begins one day.

“Did you know we hate your uniform and your existence?” the boy scoffs. 

Sometimes it’s two sentences. Sometimes it becomes a long-winded argument. But it’s an unsaid routine, trying to get under each other’s skin. It’s all Minhyung lives for these days. It’s become their thing now and it’s unusual not to talk.

They haven’t exchanged names yet. There are name tags on their uniforms. But they don’t sit facing each other ever and every time Minhyung gets up to follow Taeyong, the umbrella blocks it. He really wants to know. He tries to peek out the corner of his eyes every time the boy’s blazer flutters in the wind but there’s really no nice way to look. Stretching over may be a not-so-subtle move and he doesn’t want come off as desperate.

He could just ask the boy. Their conversations all these days after the not very impressionable first one, had maybe warranted the question.

“Um, I’m Minhyung” he’d said one day, out of the blue. It wasn’t asked but he made that statement in hopes the boy would respond with his own name (because asking straightforward is not the way to go apparently. Why does he take advice from his bother anyway?)

“I thought we were on a nickname basis. Nerd by the junction getting a little too difficult for you to say?” the boy sniggers, turning to look at him.

“Well I don’t want to be called a weirdo anymore” Minhyung says defensively.

“You telling me your name doesn’t really mean I stop calling you weirdo” the boy says again.

“Don’t be mean and just tell me your name” Minhyung says impatiently.

The boy’s eyes widen just slightly. There’s a genuine little tug at the corner of his lips that vanishes as soon as it makes an appearance.

“Jaemin”, he says.

“Cool”, Minhyung says. “Nerd” he calls out immediately and smiles to himself.

Jaemin hates to admit how he’s been caught off guard. He hides his own smile behind his fist and looks away.

 

-

 

Jaemin is almost always the one who has to wait longer. Taeyong always comes by for Minhyung first and it’s a really rushed affair because Taeyong just comes running down the road and dashes past him, telling him to catch up.

It happens once or twice that Minhyung reaches the end of the road to the traffic signal and turns to look back, wanting to tell Taeyong about his new found acquaintance. Jaemin is gone by then. Probably met whoever he was waiting for and crossed over to the other side of the road, Minhyung thinks.

Taeyong almost always never waits these days. Minhyung runs after him to the signal under his ‘late late late’ mantra because they’ll be late for dinner and mom doesn’t really take that well. It’s Taeyong’s fault mostly.

“Tell me there’s progress to your one-sided love or I am spilling everything next time mom wants to know why we’re late” Minhyung lets out a shaky breathe, wheezing on the climb up home one day. These new found shortcuts are brilliant but Minhyung would choose the road over the connecting steep stairways any day.

“I-yes. There’s progress” Taeyong says, looking a little apologetic. He rubs a hand on Minhyung’s back, gently pushing him on to keep walking.

“You’re lying” Minhyung snaps immediately. Truthfully, he is a little exasperated about having to run home every single day.

“Okay! I’m still in the friend-zone and this is going to take a little more time. There, I said it” Taeyong sighs, stopping on the mid-landing.

“I thought you and him were buddies and real close and stuff…you know?” Minhyung says, eyebrows knit in confusion. He stops a few steps up.

“We are. But there are boundaries I cannot cross at the moment. He needs a little space right now” Taeyong says. He looks sad.

“What for?” Minhyung can’t help but pry. It’s the automatic next question.

Taeyong opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it immediately, wondering whether he should say. He worries his lower lip for a few seconds but decides to say it anyway. “There was a death in his family recently. He’s still recovering from it” Taeyong says, voice all quiet but eyes unwavering.

“Oh”, Minhyung goes silent all of a sudden. Taeyong starts climbing again, grabbing Minhyung’s arm, making him walk too. “I couldn’t have guessed”, Minhyung says, quieter this time. He feels considerably less irate after knowing the whys. “I mean you said he smiled like a ray of sunshine and some other cheesy shit about him”

“He smiled so much, nobody could have guessed. If I wasn’t looking at him all the time, I wouldn’t have noticed it either. I only just found out so I’m not going to rush it. I’m just, going to let him know he has me” Taeyong says. The regretful longing in his voice is very apparent to Minhyung.

“God you’re so whipped” Minhyung mutters, because his heart goes out to his brother’s stand pat love life and he wants to lighten the mood.

He finds himself in a headlock, seconds later, Taeyong having clearly heard that. Taeyong mutters threats through grit teeth in Minhyung’s ear till he taps out. He massages his neck feeling a little dizzy, making an expression of mock annoyance.

“You haven’t even told me his name yet. I’m not listening to your one-sided crush ramblings anymore. Cheater” he complains childishly.

“Yuta. Nakamoto Yuta” Taeyong says and under the streetlights, Minhyung can see the onset of a blush. It’s adorable, he thinks, his brother is adorable.

Minhyung repeats it. Slowly. Sings it. Then dances around Taeyong saying it, till he finds himself in another headlock.

 

-

 

One day Minhyung forcefully keeps reminding himself to ask who Jaemin waits for when he reaches the bench. And as per fucking usual, Jaemin is right there, legs crossed over and umbrella open in hand. Another thing he’s dying to know the reason to.

“I wait for my brother, like you wait for yours” Jaemin says.

“Really? You have a brother and he’s in university? Maybe hyung knows him”, Minhyung muses quietly.

“I seriously doubt that. There’s a lot of people in there. Lots of different courses” Jaemin shakes his head “The chances that our brothers may have met? Slim”

“I’m just saying” Minhyung shrugs.

“I don’t believe in freaky coincidences like that” Jaemin says.

Minhyung drops it only to bring up the umbrella. Over the many days Minhyung has been waiting at the junction, there has yet to be a single day where Jaemin has forgotten said blue umbrella. It’s always there, open and above his head and Minhyung gotten so used to it, he looks for the umbrella before he looks at Jaemin. Jaemin closes it up sometimes, rolling it up neatly and places it in the space between them but those are rare occurrences.

There are no explanations then and Minhyung dares not touch the umbrella or ask, even if he’s curious to death. Today, he can’t contain it.

“Are you ever going to tell me about the umbrella?”

“Later someday, maybe” Jaemin shrugs. Minhyung watches the shaft of the umbrella rise with the rise of his shoulder; it’s distracting.

“Maybe?”

“Later someday, definitely” Jaemin says “Weirdo”

“Fine”, Minhyung fake-sulks, crossing his hands in front of his chest.

Jaemin looks at Minhyung “You look exactly like your brother. Like a little taller, but just like him”

“I don’t look nearly as good as him” Minhyung’s caught off guard. He’s been compared to his brother before, but never like this.

“You have your charms” Jaemin says like its nothing.

“He’s the wonder-kid though?” Minhyung doesn’t really believe it. He looks dazed and sighs, looking into the distance with glazed eyes like remembering unpleasant things.

“Just shut up and take the compliment” Jaemin says irritably. Minhyung is surprised, to say the least.

“Yeah?” Tips of his ears coloring. “Thanks”, he mumbles.

 

-

 

Minhyung hasn’t ever thought of what to do after school. He just mindlessly reaches their bench without much thought like he’s thinking with his feet. Some part of him is programmed to reach the cross junction and to expect Jaemin sitting there always.

It’s seems another day like usual. It’s mildly windy and it’s getting chillier as the days roll into winter. It’s not time for snow yet.

“Don’t you have friends or something?” Jaemin asks. “God you look like such a loner with those headphones around your neck”

“Headphones don’t mean I’m lonely”

“Sure they do. You want a better sign saying I’m fucking unapproachable and leave me the hell alone, you may a damn well roam around with a novelty neon sign”

“It’s not the same and I do have friends” Minhyung protests weakly.

“Who?” Jaemin shifts in his place towards him.

“Jisunggie”

“Like Jisunggie as in the child from dance class? You don’t like him.” Jaemin’s eyes narrow into judgemental slits.

“I like him.”

“Nah, he’s better than you. You don’t like him. Who else?” Minhyung purses his lips, but it was true.

“Chenle.”

“That transfer kid you feel really bad for because he doesn’t understand anything?”

“Hey he’s a nice kid.” Minhyung’s making things up for defence at this point, which Jaemin sees right through.

“I’m sure he is. Is he friend or is he part of your moral compass’ charity segment?” Jaemin asks.

Minhyung shuts up real quick after that. Jaemin sighs. “What about someone your own age? You need friends, man”

“Hmm” Minhyung says, non-committal at best.

“Look I’m just saying it’s hard to believe that someone as talkative as you has no friends” Jaemin sighs.

Minhyung looks away. “The lot of them are rich brats who’re aiming to make it to Ivy League universities. They’re obnoxious and arrogant and I just don’t seem to fit anywhere” he says quietly.

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right people yet?” Jaemin asks.

“I sure hope so” Minhyung smiles sadly.

The mood is plummeting rapidly. All Jaemin can do is change the topic.

“What’s the plan after school?” he asks Minhyung “Music industry? That’s a no brainer, isn’t it?”

“I think so. I haven’t thought a lot about it. You?” Minhyung says.

“A sports scholarship hopefully. I want to play football” Jaemin smiles a little. It makes Minhyung smile too, Jaemin’s half smiles. He briefly wonders what Jaemin would look like laughing without a care, lips stretched across his face all teeth showing.

“Woah, you already know what you want to do. I should make up my mind” Minhyung says with a sudden concentrating expression, features scrunching together.

Jaemin snorts. He may have thought of the lines between Minhyung’s eyebrows and the bridge of his nose to be cute. “You should make some real friends first” he says.

Minhyung’s hand shoots out for an accusatory jab. Jaemin narrowly dodges, eyebrows raised.

“I have an umbrella. I could impale you” he threatens.

Minhyung’s jaw drops for a second there before he dissolves into a fit of laughter.

“You just went from nerd to psycho nerd real quick” he breathes between wheezes.

It’s between his laughter and Jaemin’s amused smile that they hear the shrillest of horns, the tell-tale screech of tires and a scream of a woman. Before Minhyung can completely comprehend the imagery of a high-speeding truck downhill, the child halfway through the crossing and the mother’s scream from the other side of the crossing, Jaemin is already up.

Minhyung’s insides hollow out and there’s a nauseating twist in his gut as he sees Jaemin’s umbrella fall away. Jaemin is off the sidewalk, running to the road but he won’t make it on time.

Minhyung freezes up, un-reacting. He couldn’t even stop Jaemin from running out and Jaemin is going to get run over by a truck. His voice is caught in his throat and he can’t breathe. He can’t even look away. Its seconds to impact.

“Haeun!” Jaemin shouts. The girl is standing in the middle of the road, feet stuck to the ground, alarmed by the shrill horn of the truck. She can’t hear Jaemin. Jaemin’s hand closes in on hers just as the truck swerves sideways. He pulls harshly and falls back on his butt, child encaged in his arms as the truck skids past to a halt, hairs breadth away from flattening the girl.

Minhyung stands with a start, rattled and shaking as he feels himself breathing again, something akin to relief flooding his insides. He still couldn’t bring himself to move.

He can’t seem to process the driver shrieking curses at the child, truck stopped in the middle of the crossing a few feet from where it almost crushed her. Jaemin ignores the driver and walks back, the child’s hand in his, sighing at her bleeding knees from the force of his pull. He kneels in front of her as soon as they reach the sidewalk. Minhyung is still frozen in place. Jaemin seems less affected by the entire ordeal.

“Haeun. Why did you cross the road without your mother?” Jaemin chastises her gently.

“I saw Nana. I wanted to play” She says, teary eyed now, slowly realising what she had done, what could’ve happened.

“Didn’t we talk about this before? Nana can only play with you if you listen to your mother” Jaemin says, tucking a strand of hair behind the 6 year old’s ear.

She nods. “I’m sorry”

The signals change. The mother runs over and sobs pathetically. Haeun cries. Minhyung is still in a daze, Jaemin keeps quiet.

“Did you save her?” She looks at his nametag. “Did you save her Minhyung? Thank you, thank you so much!”

“Wait I-what—it wasn’t—” Minhyung is startled into answering.

“I’m sorry, I’m just, going to take her away okay?” The mother smiles gratefully and walks away quickly lifting Haeun into her arms and walking away.

Silence follows, uncomfortable and weighing thick. Jaemin goes around the bench and lifts the umbrella up to his shoulders again. He’s so very calm about the entire thing but Minhyung is raging with quite the few unknown feelings.

“Why didn’t you say you saved her?” Minhyung asks in a small voice.

“She doesn’t like me very much, Haeun’s mother” Jaemin sits back with a dejected sigh.

“You know that kid? Haeun?” Minhyung asks, sitting and looking out the hills in front. It’s getting dark very quickly.

“Yeah. She’s a real special kid” Jaemin says with a fond smile.

“Did you have to fucking jump out like that?” Minhyung asks, seconds later and his voice quivers miserably.

Jaemin looks up in surprise. “Are you crying?”

“Shut up” Minhyung says teary eyed.

“Are you crying? Don’t cry” Jaemin says, all soft suddenly, concerned.

“This is all your fault”, Minhyung sniffles, trying to control the tears welling up in his eyes. He isn’t really crying. He’s trying hard not to. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life”

“Why were you scared?” Jaemin asks. He wants to reach out. Place a reassuring hand on Minhyung’s shoulder maybe.

“Because you were going to die” Minhyung doesn’t look at him then.

“What does it matter if I do? I wanted to save her” Jaemin says.

“It does matter!”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the only friend I have”, Minhyung snaps at him without meaning to. No amount of holding back can stop the tear slipping down his cheek. He looks out of it, a little annoyed that his claim of friendship is perhaps one sided. Did Jaemin consider him a friend? He hastily wipes away at the tear.

“Thanks”, Jaemin says, heavy guilt weighing on his words. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, so don’t cry. You won’t cry will you?”

Minhyung nods stiffly.

“I’ll tell you my favourite coffee place. Best frappe in town. It’s a little place down 3rd street” Jaemin says abruptly.

“Don’t change the topic you little shit” Minhyung grumbles noisily.

“Sorry”, Jaemin bites his lip.

“Best frappe in town huh?” Minhyung asks later. Jaemin thinks he looks adorable, sniffling, complaining and red-nosed.

“Try cotton candy” Jaemin bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling.

“Yeah?” Minhyung grumbles, looking at him.

Jaemin lets himself smile a little. “Yeah” he says, with a nod before beginning to describe it in extra detail extra enthusiastically.

That evening on the walk back home, Taeyong has caught on. Something is off about the way Minhyung is a little unresponsive.

“What’s wrong?” Taeyong asks him.

“Nothing” Minhyung can’t lie convincingly when he can’t even conceal the dreadful expression on his face.

“See I don’t want to be the douchebag who can’t stop talking about himself every time. Are you going to start spilling or do I have to tickle it out of you?” Taeyong asks.

“I’m just tired from school” Minhyung tries again.

“We both know that’s a lie” Taeyong stops walking. That makes Minhyung stop too. “Tell me. It looks like you’ve been crying. Did someone hurt you?” Taeyong turns Minhyung’s head to face him. “I’ll kill them, I will” Taeyong’s eyes are hard and steely, his jaw clenched in oncoming anger by having made assumptions.

Minhyung laughs a little. He assures Taeyong otherwise quickly.

“I witnessed an almost accident today. A little girl almost died. I couldn’t help at all” he says.

Taeyong drags him to the nearest bench and waits for him to speak again, sitting close and leaning in to listen attentively.

“I froze up hyung. I couldn’t even move. My friend—he, he reacted so fast. He saved the child too and I felt so useless then. So powerless and really, really scared. I couldn’t even stop my friend from running into oncoming traffic. He almost killed himself too”

A reassuring hand on his back tells him to continue.

“It’s just that I always thought I was better than this. I always imagined I’d be fast enough, be there when people need me. And I just went and fucking froze up like a statue nailed to the ground”

“Like in those dreams?” Taeyong asks quietly, hand never leaving Minhyung’s back.

“Like in those dreams”, Minhyung nods, “I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t scream”

“Minhyung, if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re selfless. You don’t have to beat yourself up about not being about to react as soon as you wanted to. There were circumstances and you weren’t completely alert. In situations like these, none of us are. Heck, I’m sure I would’ve frozen up too”

Minhyung looks at him. “But you’re my perfect big brother—”

“Stop calling me that”, Taeyong says sternly. “We know I’m not”. Softer this time. “Let’s go home. Mom’s going to hit the roof again” He pulls Minhyung up. “Don’t let me catch you all dazed and deep in thoughts about such silly things”

“Okay”, Minhyung smiles thinly. 

Taeyong makes small talk then, trying to keep Minhyung’s attention away from the traumatic experience. But Minhyung’s thoughts drift to Jaemin’s half smiles. The hollow in his chest expands and it tickles near his ribs. Jaemin is alive, he thinks and he’s going to be right there tomorrow, at the bench with his legs crossed and his stupid blue umbrella.

When Minhyung pretends to listen because Taeyong is trying hard, his thoughts once again drift. This time it’s Yuta. Yuta who has lost someone dear to him. Minhyung can only imagine the pain and sense of loss, something he could have felt after today, had Jaemin gotten crushed. He looks at Taeyong then, Taeyong whose eyes sparkle brightly when he talks about things he likes, when he talks about Yuta, Taeyong who’d probably pulverise someone if they so much as dared touch a hair on Minhyung’s head. He can’t lose Taeyong. What would he do without Taeyong?

He feels a hand on his head then, gently carding down through his hair. “I can hear you thinking silly” Taeyong says.

“Sorry” he sighs.

They walk in comfortable silence then, stopping every now and then to catch their breaths.

“Hyung”, Minhyung calls out later and Taeyong turns to looks at him. “Don’t go dying on me okay?” he says.

“Minhyung, what did I tell you about keeping those thoughts away?” Taeyong chides him gently.

“Just promise me” Minhyung’s voice quivers in the silence. There’s a faint sound of two-wheelers whizzing past, hot soup boiling in the kiosk beside them and then the sound of leaves rustling in the cool wind. It’s quiet, too quiet.

“Of course” Taeyong says, ruffling Minhyung’s hair fondly. They tie pinkies. That makes it real. “If I’m not here, who’s going to bother you about Yuta?”

Minhyung laughs.

“How is he? Yuta” he asks

“All cool. Because I’m awesome like that” Taeyong says and promptly gets hit. “He’s been better lately” He hisses and rubs his arm. “Speaking of Yuta, I’m going to walk home with him starting tomorrow, so you don’t have to wait for me at the junction”

Minhyung stops walking. “Wait what?” Did that mean he doesn’t get to spend time with Jaemin anymore?

“It’s called progress” Taeyong smiles.

“If you’re coming with Yuta, I can still wait for you, right?”

“We’re going to use another route. His house comes on the way, then I walk back home” Taeyong explains.

He could still wait with Jaemin no problem. He just doesn’t have to wait for his brother anymore. Maybe he could finally see Jaemin’s brother now.

“Woah look at you dumping your little brother for your boyfriend” Minhyung says.

“He’s not my boyfriend. Yet” Taeyong mumbles.

Minhyung snorts, incident fading from focus.

 

-

 

Minhyung realises the next day that it’s been about 2 months chilling with Jaemin but it’s the first time Minhyung sits on the bench that day with no real reason to. He’s calmed down considerably from yesterday’s events. Surprisingly, it’s one of those rare times when Jaemin’s blue umbrella is folded and left unattended between them.

“Nana!” They hear suddenly and it’s Haeun running towards them, sans mom again. At least she’s on the right side of the road this time.

“Haeunnie”, Jaemin coos and kneels down to her height immediately, “where’s your mother?”

She points to the store a few feet away, inside the arcade.

“Haeun!” The mother screams, as if on cue. She runs out of the store and spots the child, stalking over angrily.

“Haeun, what did I tell you about talking to strangers?”

“But I saw Nana! I wanted to play!” she says indignantly.

The mother rubs her face in frustration, then she looks up.

“Oh my, aren’t you—? Aren’t you Minhyung?” her eyes widen in recognition.

“Ah-yes ma’am” Minhyung says nervously.

“Such a surprise. Now I know I haven’t thanked you enough for yesterday—” she begins

“It wasn’t—”

“And I don’t want to impose, but could you watch her for a minute? She keeps running away. I just have to pay up and I’ll be right out in two minutes. I’ll be watching, thanks” she says and takes off before there’s chance to protest.

“She doesn’t ever listen does she?” Minhyung turns to Jaemin, aggravated, but Jaemin is already busy talking with Haeun. Minhyung sighs and looks back warily, only to catch the mother glance their way over and over.

He kneels down beside Jaemin just as Jaemin praises Haeun for being a good girl. He boops her nose with his finger and Haeun giggles cutely, Minhyung swears he melts into a puddle. Jaemin smiles so wide suddenly, so uninhibited for the first time, Minhyung watches his eyes crinkle at the corners. He thinks he understands the ‘ray of sunshine’ thing now. Jaemin is positively beaming.

“Haeun, say hi to my friend. This is Minhyung” Jaemin says.

“Minhyung oppa?” Haeun looks at Minhyung, inquisitively. Minhyung is caught off guard. Eyes wide, tips of his ears coloured. Because of Haeun or because of Jaemin, he can’t really say.

He nods. “Haeunnie?” He says and asks for a high five which he gets enthusiastically.

Haeun turns to Jaemin then. “Is he like you too?” She asks Jaemin, curious sparkle in her eyes.

Jaemin smiles. “No, he’s like you” he says, gently tousling her hair.

“Haeun!” they hear. Her mother is back. “Time to go darling” she says. She walks closer with lots of bags in her arms, ready to tip over any time. Minhyung eyes them uneasily.

“Minhyung, thanks again. It’s nice to see Haeun making real friends” She bids him goodbye and walks away with Haeun.

“Wow she really treats you like you don’t exist. She’s one rude lady” Minhyung looks at Jaemin like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever encountered.

“Told you she hates me” Jaemin shrugs like he’s used to it.

“Why even? How could anyone hate you?” Minhyung can’t seem to wrap his head around this entire situation yet.

“Doesn’t matter to me. Haeun likes me anyway. That’s enough”

Minhyung isn’t quite satisfied with that. They sit back on the bench again, the same seat’s worth distance between them. Jaemin clicks open his umbrella and rests it on his left shoulder. Minhyung shakes his head at it.

“You were doing okay without that”, he complains.

“Lay off. I like the weight on my shoulder. Feels therapy-like” Jaemin says.

“Therapeutic, you mean” Minhyung says. Jaemin gives him a withering glare. “What do you need therapy for anyway?” Minhyung asks.

“You just gotta keep asking questions, don’t you?” Jaemin shakes his head in annoyance.

Minhyung stills for a second, wondering. He knows it true. “What did you mean when you said I’m like Haeun?” he asks anyway.

“God you just don’t stop!” Jaemin looks away, avoiding the question.

“Hey I have the right to know answers to whatever involves me” Minhyung demands.

Jaemin purses his lips. Minhyung scoots closer, inquisitively.

Jaemin turns to look at him again. “I meant that you’re special like her” he says in a small voice.

Minhyung suddenly jerks back, hit with an unexpected answer. Colour rises to his cheek.

“What the hell man?” He moves to jab Jaemin on the side, which he expertly dodges again, quick to get up from the seat, with umbrella and all. He seems too graceful and cheeky and he’s grinning like a fucking tease and Minhyung thinks that he may be a little in love with Jaemin.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks

“It means what it means. Now hush with the questions. Where’s your brother anyway? He’s kind of late” Jaemin asks.

It hits Minhyung then that he hasn’t told Jaemin yet.

“About that” He starts off uneasily, “he goes home with the person he likes now”

Jaemin stills, processing the sudden information. “You mean you don’t have to wait here anymore?”

“I could” Minhyung says. Jaemin is standing too far away.

“But you don’t need to” Jaemin says, suddenly unable to look Minhyung in the eyes.

“I want to” Minhyung says “I don’t want to have to start homework early”. Poor excuses are Minhyung’s trademark now.

“You should, that’s what good kids do” Jaemin sounds a little annoyed.

“Look, it’s going to be so boring without anyone to talk to so I’m still going to stay every day and bother you with questions. Besides, I haven’t seen your brother yet” Minhyung says.

Jaemin finally does look at him. Minhyung can’t really comprehend what the look means. Jaemin takes his seat silently, changing sides of the shaft to rest the umbrella on that favoured right shoulder.

“He comes really late these days. You don’t have to wait” he says quietly. They don’t have to be childish about this.

“But I—”

“You’ll be late for dinner won’t you?” Jaemin smiles again. Minhyung knows it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Yeah”, he says dejectedly.

Leaving Jaemin was something he didn’t have to think of everyday because he’d just hop of the seat and run off down to the signal after Taeyong with a quick ‘bye’. But without Taeyong to run after and rush them across the signal, Minhyung feels a little bad for having to leave Jaemin alone.

“It’s not like I didn’t have to wait every day after you had to leave” Jaemin argues.

“How long till he comes?” Minhyung stands, fidgeting and walking to and fro a little for delay.

“Another half an hour I think”, Jaemin looks at the watch on his left wrist. Minhyung can’t afford to wait that long.

“Just go” Jaemin says when he looks at Minhyung’s guilty expression. “It’s a safe neighbourhood”

“Yeah?” Minhyung smiles guiltily.

“Yeah” Jaemin nods.

Minhyung waves goodbye for the first time. Jaemin waves back. It’s alright Minhyung thinks. He’ll see Jaemin here tomorrow, same posture, same nice hair, legs crossed with that darned blue umbrella. And tomorrow, maybe Jaemin will smile at him like he does at Haeun, his widest gummy grin with eyes crinkling at the corner.

 

-

 


	2. Parting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /  
> unedited  
> and there may be some discrepancies. I ask yall not to believe some literal translations from another language because their sources are...questionable.  
> i also suggest reading on a smaller screen. a phone if possible.  
> /

Minhyung finds a wiry braided bracelet on Jaemin’s left wrist, behind the wristwatch. He hasn’t ever seen it before and there is a single white bead with some script in a language he has never seen before.  
“Hey, what’s that?” Minhyung asks, looking curiously at the faded green threads knotted around the bead. “I’ve never seen that before” he says.

“This old thing? I’ve had it for a long time. See how it’s frayed?” Jaemin raises his wrist a little and pulls back the sleeve to let it show. The bead slides into view, a little clearer but Minhyung still doesn’t know what to make of it.

Question on the tip of his tongue, he looks up at Jaemin to ask but promptly clamps his mouth shut with disbelief because Jaemin has this beautiful fond smile as he looks on at the band like it’s his one treasure in this world. Minhyung wants Jaemin to look at him like that.

“Our father made that. A blue one for me and this” Jaemin raises his wrist “green one for my brother. We exchanged it. He thought this looked better on me, that liar” Minhyung thought he saw Jaemin’s smile falter for a second there. While Minhyung complained and complained about his brother to Jaemin, this was the first time Jaemin had ever said anything about his own brother. The brother Minhyung knows Jaemin goes home with. The brother Minhyung has never seen and day after day, without fail, misses meeting narrowly.

“Tell me about your brother” Minhyung looks like nothing will stop him from knowing today. Jaemin bites on his lower lip and makes a small sound of disapproval. “There’s nothing to know”

“I want to know. Please?” Minhyung tries. Jaemin hasn’t ever seen Minhyung like this; a little softer around the edges, if the crying doesn’t count. He relents, eventually.

“He’s a cool guy, what else can I say. He taught me everything. Tying my shoelaces, riding my first bike, everything. He used to work multiple part-time jobs as a high schooler to save up money, back in Japan. We weren’t so well off then. And then he goes and buys me these expensive studs to play soccer in school” Jaemin shakes his head at the memory. “He taught me how to play. He was the captain of our small town’s football team. A star-player. Wanted to make it to the national team” Jaemin sighs, hand running over his face.

Minhyung senses a continuation in Jaemin’s hesitance. “But?”

“He had an injury” Minhyung can’t bear the pained look in Jaemin’s eyes. “His dreams—his leg was damaged so bad. We came here then, after trying all sorts of treatment. Took him away so he wouldn’t have to be around all those people he’d look at and remember. But that fool, he wouldn’t let me give it up you know. Says he likes it when I play” Jaemin purses his lips.  
“He’s alright now. He doesn’t play, but he used to coach at summer camps down in our school. Now he’s doing some shitty music course in that university” Jaemin says when he senses the mood plummet. “That complicated English name, I have no idea how to pronounce it nor do I actually remember it” he laughs. Minhyung laughs too.

Silence takes over again. For the first time in a while, Minhyung has no idea what to say.

“This thing” Jaemin hooks a finger into the band as Minhyung looks up. “he gave it to me before going into surgery. He was hurt but I was the one crying endlessly” Jaemin recounts to story of how his elder brother had asked him to keep it safe till he came out all fixed.

Minhyung eyes the strange inscription on the bead again as Jaemin flicks it to make it roll. “What does it mean?”

Jaemin looks at him with smiling eyes and a downturned smile.

“It means ‘brave’”

Minhyung wasn’t surprised at all.

 

-

 

“There’s an apple orchard up a few kilometres did you know? It seems they let people in to watch during the time of harvest” Minhyung says.

“It must be really pretty” Jaemin says. The yearning in his voice is unmistakable.

“Do you want to go together? Maybe? It’s vacation in November anyway”

“I don’t know. I don’t like apples all that much”

“Oh come on! Don’t be such a prude. It’ll look all Christmassy” Minhyung is playfully indignant and Jaemin laughs at his twinkling eyes. But—

“Christmassy?” he’s genuinely confused.

“Like the colours you know? So much red and green—”

“Wow that is the lamest thing I have ever heard”

Minhyung slouches dejectedly “don’t rain on my parade man”

Jaemin snorts. “you can’t pout your way out of this one” he laughs. Minhyung purses his lips and shakes his head. “Are you coming with me or do I have to go by myself?” he asks.

“Just take your brother or your friends” Jaemin leans back lazily.

“My brother literally hibernates during vacation. He’s an ‘endangered species’, or so he calls himself, that can be found sleeping in his cave of extra thick blankets. Basically, he doesn’t come out of the house at all, that gramps” Minhyung grumbles.

Jaemin laughs.

“And on the friendship front, you know I don’t have anyone besides you!” Minhyung hisses accusatorily.

“And that is my fault, how, exactly?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow.

Minhyung clears his throat dramatically. “Moving on! We, are going to see apples because there’s nothing else to be excited about during holidays, except for Christmas and snow and—”

“Right” Jaemin says, unable to control the small smile.

“You’re coming, aren’t you?” Minhyung narrows his eyes at Jaemin.

“Okay” Jaemin concedes with a small nod.

“I would have dragged you even if you weren’t” Minhyung shrugs and Jaemin snorts, again. It’s nice like this. Being able to laugh and make Jaemin laugh, Minhyung thinks.

Minhyung knows his infatuation for Jaemin is only expanding every day they meet, every time Jaemin dismisses his sass with sarcasm of his own and every time Jaemin laughs at his lame jokes. He looks at Jaemin, knowing he has a fond smile on his face he can’t hope to control. And he thinks he could look at him forever. Jaemin’s hand is so close to his. They’d brush if Minhyung’s fingers were to reach out just a few more millimetres.

Jaemin pulls away to run the hand through his hair just as Minhyung is wondering how cold they must be without gloves.

 

-

 

Minhyung can’t help but drift off into daydreams every once in a while, many many times every day. He thinks about Jaemin and belatedly realises he has a silly smile on his face. The weather has been getting colder and colder, dropping a few degrees at a time, but what makes Minhyung want to wrap himself in 5 layers of blanket is the same thing Jaemin seems so unaffected by.

Needless to say, he finds Jaemin same as always. The umbrella is rolled and tucked to the side. No extra layers on his blue blazer but hands shoved into pockets for once. On the contrary, Minhyung is wrapped in layers and he’s pretty sure his ears and nose are all red.

“Jesus, aren’t you cold?” Mark asks from behind his scarf. He moves to sit but it’s so cold he jumps two feet in the air would a loud yelp.

Jaemin laughs, shoulders shaking violently. “I’ve lived in places colder than this. It’s safe to say I’m immune” he says, once he’s convinced Minhyung’s butt has adjusted to the bench temperature. “Besides” his hand comes out to whack at his chest proudly, “I’m wearing so many layers underneath, I may even start sweating” he exaggerates.

Mark scoffs, but decides to let it be. He sighs and slides down the bench a little.

“Hyung’s got himself a boyfriend. I feel a little jealous these days” Minhyung mutters.

“He finally worked up the guts to confess huh?”

“Yeah” Minhyung smiles.

He’d been so anxious for Taeyong but when Taeyong came home looking like he’d won the world, Minhyung had just whacked him the side so hard and then half hugged him and ruffled his hair because he was too cute not to. All till Taeyong had swatted it off pseudo-grumpily saying that he was the elder brother but then wrapped himself around Minhyung anyway, whispering thank yous.

(“It’s your turn now. You know I’ll listen to your whining right?” he had said. Minhyung had not been expecting this. He coloured suddenly at the thought of a Jaemin and that could’ve only been a mistake. Taeyong had caught on.

“What are you hiding from me?” Taeyong asked, eyes narrowing dangerously.

“Nothing” Minhyung had said, louder than intended and bolted out of the room.

But of course, this particular piece of information, he hides from Jaemin.)

“That’s nice” Jaemin says.

Minhyung doesn’t know what compels him to ask. He can’t stop himself from asking. “Don’t you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?” he stares off ahead, unable to look Jaemin in the eye. His voice is small, but he tries to make it sound casual.

“Nah” Jaemin says and slides down the bench to match Minhyung’s posture.

“Don’t even like someone?” Minhyung wants to know for sure. “And you don’t even talk about your friends. Do you even have friends, considering how you’ve been throwing the don’t-be-a-loner bricks at my face—”

“I do have friends” Jaemin says exasperatedly, Minhyung can hear that eye rolling “most of them are on the team with me”

“Liar. Name one at least. Wait, name three”

“Moonbin, Rocky, Hina. There you go” Jaemin turns to him with a smug look on his face. But Minhyung pretends to look unaffected.

“Hina eh?” Minhyung grins suggestively, even if he felt his insides churn. He doesn’t want to throw this friendship to the gutter by spouting things that could possible make everything weird between them. But teasing was normal between friends wasn’t it?

“Ew no, we’ve been best friends since we were in diapers. She’s more like a sister than anything. Rocky’s like my dorky half-brother and Moonbin, well he works where I said you should try the cotton candy frappe” Jaemin says. “And I had a little crush on him” he trails away.

“Had?”

“Hmm, had. It’s not going to work out anyway. All in the past” Jaemin shrugs. Minhyung is more relieved than he should be.

“See? I do have friends. I didn’t ever talk about them because I didn’t want you to feel lonely, or feel left out or whatever” Jaemin says.

“Appreciate the gesture” Minhyung sighs.

“You should. And don’t you like someone too? No crushes?” Jaemin asks. Minhyung reddens. Thrown off guard is an understatement. He can only sputter and deny any such ridiculousness.

“Don’t get so worked up. It’s just between us isn’t it? Later is okay” Jaemin laughs a little “Besides, I think someone has a crush on you”

Minhyung’s pretty sure he’s got a crick in his neck from turning it too fast. He sits up straight, so does Jaemin and speaking of ridiculous things, this seemed to be another one of them. Jaemin sees the absolute look of disbelief on his face and points to the far side of the road.

Minhyung spots a boy walking down slowly, adjusting his earpiece, fumbling with his phone. He wears a beanie and the scarf hangs undone around his neck but even in the chilly weather, his blazer is thrown lazily above his shoulder.

“Lee Donghyuck?” Minhyung squints at the figure. Sounds unbelievable even after coming from his own mouth.

“You know this kid?” Jaemin asks

“He’s in my class. How do you know him?” Minhyung doesn’t turn to talk. His eyes follow Donghyuck’s graceful gait down the road.

“I don’t. He part-times at that convenience store up there” Jaemin points at the store beyond the curve on the opposite side of the road. “And every day he walks by at the same time, probably after work.  
He’s surprisingly early today”.

Minhyung makes a noise that’s half grunt and half curiosity.

“He walks on this side of the road some days” Jaemin says. He turns to Minhyung then. “And when he thinks no one’s listening, he sings. And boy does he sing like a songbird” Jaemin says reverently.

At that moment, Donghyuck whips his head towards them and locks eyes with Minhyung. He stills for a moment, flustered suddenly and promptly drops his phone. He tears his eyes away and bends to pick it up, embarrassed to see that Minhyung still has eyes trained on his mistake. As soon as the phone is in hand, Donghyuck bolts, blazer pressed to his chest.

There’s a moment of silence that follows Donghyuck’s disappearance.

“You should totally ask him out. He’s cute” Jaemin says.

Minhyung slowly turns his head towards Jaemin, emphasis on the incredulous expression because how could Jaemin even—

“What? He seems like a nice boy and he sings aka you have something in common”

Minhyung’s eyebrows scrunch together thoughtfully.

“And he likes you. That’s a bonus” there’s that smug grin again on Jaemin’s face.

“Why do you think so?” Minhyung asks.

“I see so. Why aren’t you friends with him already?”

“I, I don’t know. We sit far away. And he’s always surrounded by people” Minhyung says. He’s not so sure he knows the answers to these questions.

“Good people who you could probably be friends with too, or are they as bad as the rotten selfish people picture you’ve painted for me all these days?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow. Minhyung knows that raised eyebrow is making more frequent appearances than necessary. Or not, he’s warranted 99% of them at appropriate times.

“Um” he’s out of excuses again.

“Tell me” it’s Jaemin asking the questions this time.

“Donghyuck’s like, the best student in our batch. His friends, Jeno and Renjun aren’t so far behind either and they’re like this already close knit group, loud and cheerful and too good for anyone else to be near them. They’re at some sort of unattainable pedestal you know?” Minhyung says.

“But not unapproachable?”

“True”

“You are such a chicken” Jaemin sighs but his smile is encouraging.

“Are we playing the nickname game again?” Minhyung isn’t annoyed at all. He appreciates the honesty.

“Yes we are, chicken weirdo”

“Psycho nerd” Minhyung says without much bite. Then the silence again. It’s not awkward but Minhyung wishes they didn’t have to stay quiet.

“Don’t wait for things to fall into your lap” Jaemin begins. “You want friends, you go make them”

“Yessir”

“You go talk to that boy tomorrow. And I will ask you, be sure of it, I will”

“Yessir”

“Run along now young boy. Hut hut” Jaemin says.

Minhyung shakes his head at the silliness “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks.

Jaemin nods and waves him away.

 

-

 

The East branch of their school is academically sound but is most known for having a great music department and facilities, thanks to a few alumni who rose to fame. While maximum students choose to go into various fields of study in university, the existence of a music program scholarship brings enthusiastic youngsters who have hopes to make it large in the music industry to this school. Much like Minhyung and Taeyong.

Minhyung zones out of the ongoing music theory lecture in favour of looking out of the window. It’s chilly, not windy and the air is clear. The bell rings and students pack up, push their things into the desk and leave for lunch. Some play noisily in the classroom and others irritably shoo them away because university exams are right around the corner and studying in every minute’s worth of free time seemed to be important.

Donghyuck and friends get yelled at for causing a ruckus. Minhyung remembers yesterday’s incident and means to speak to Donghyuck. He moves to put his books in his bag. One of them slips out just as he watches Donghyuck turn back to his friends. He gets out of his seat for the book and hears Jeno.

“Hey careful”

When he stretches back up to look, something slams into his chest. He has a mouthful of hair and then he realises that somebody has walked backwards into him. It’s Donghyuck that turns to look at him bewildered and then all he can hear is a string of apologies.

Jeno and Renjun shake with mild laughter in the background. Minhyung only registers the wild flailing and hands raised defensively among a few are-you-okays. He catches something brown and papery on Donghyuck’s left hand and he doesn’t really know what compels him, but in the next few seconds Donghyuck’s wrist is in his hand and then there is silence.

He brings the hand near to scrutinise. There’s a shabby band-aid around the nail of the ring finger. Looks like the nail was busted badly. Donghyuck is frozen, eyes wide and mouth hanging open slightly. Jeno and Renjun watch with interest.

“Is this from yesterday when you—on the pavement?”

“Ah. Yes” the embarrassment is clearly on Donghyuck’s face as he brings his other hand up to his neck sheepishly. Then he looks down at his wrist, tight in Minhyung’s hand. Minhyung lets go hastily as soon as he realises, muttering an apology.

“I, I have a band-aid if you want, I mean this one’s going to fall off any second” he says, pointing at his bag behind him.

“That’d be nice” Donghyuck smiles. His eyes crinkle and teeth show and Minhyung thinks it’s warm like the sun in winter. Welcome and friendly. He tears his eyes away and shifts to get a band-aid.

“You want to tell us how he knows?” Renjun slides an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. There’s also that mild smirk Donghyuck finds utterly infuriating. Jeno’s eyebrows wiggle unnecessarily.

Donghyuck sighs, running a hand over his face.

“Wait you know what, we can hear all about it while having lunch. I’m starving” Jeno says. Renjun turns to Minhyung. “You want to come sit with us?” he asks, as Minhyung gives Donghyuck the band-aid.

Minhyung stares back, struck dumb to answer.

Renjun sighs and grabs his arm, dragging him out of the class. “Come on. You’re sitting with us”

Jeno and Donghyuck fall in line with them. In the corridor Minhyung watches Donghyuck tear off the old band aid with a painful hiss and fumble with the new one. Jeno slings an arm around Donghyuck’s neck to bother him. And it does, because Donghyuck squirms and jabs Jeno in the ribs.

“I don’t think we’ve ever had the chance to really talk before. I’m Renjun” Renjun smiles like they’ve known each other since their childhood.

“Jeno” free hand up in a charming salute.

“Donghyuck”, he says breathlessly, still squeezed between Jeno’s forearm and shoulder.

“I’m Minhyung”

“Oh we know” Renjun grins playfully.

“You do?” he’s surprised to say the least.

“There isn’t a day when don’t hear the name” Renjun’s smile is comfortable but odd and mischievous. Jeno snickers from the other side. They turn to Donghyuck then.

“What? Don’t look at me, what the fu—“

“Uh, like when we gotta answer our roll calls in homeroom?” Minhyung asks.

Jeno bursts into laughter and Renjun barely stops himself, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Something like that, but more along the lines of a certain someone complaining and whining to us about your existence day in day out”

“Complaining? Who?” Minhyung doesn’t understand. This is all so sudden and confusing.

“Let me give you a hint: he’s a major pain in the ass and tends to be overdramatic 99% of the time. Can you think of—“ Jeno’s description is cut short.

“Eh? I don’t think I completely understand what’s going on—” Minhyung scratches the back of his neck.

“You’ll get it soon enough” Renjun laughs, again with the reassuring pat.

“Or, I could totally point him out like right at this moment” Jeno grins. Donghyuck sputters. “All you gotta do is ask”

“Jeno if you don’t shut the fuck up right now, I will personally shove your ass down the stairs” Donghyuck says with a smile hiding that obvious threat.

The conversation is all lost on him but Minhyung can’t help but laugh this time. And when he hears his own laughter, with Jeno’s and Renjun’s bounce off the walls of the corridor in between all the noise,  
he thinks he may have found the people he was looking for.

 

-

 

In the next week Minhyung is so comfortably strolling amidst his new-found friends that it feels like they’ve always been together. In the week after that, Minhyung gushes to Jaemin about all of them  
while Jaemin looks on proudly. Renjun, cute snaggletooth, kind and practically a maestro of multiple instruments. Jeno, mischievous smile and lives to make Donghyuck’s life miserable. He finds Jeno at the centre of their school’s dance and theatre troupe and gushes about it being a well-deserved position. And while he hasn’t heard Donghyuck singing, he spends more time with Donghyuck than with Jeno and Renjun, despite Jaemin pointing out Donghyuck’s crush on him. He can’t bring himself to believe it. He finds Donghyuck eccentric and fun and just as chatty as himself. Sometimes he’s unusually bashful but Minhyung’s learnt to deal with it better than he did the first time. He walks with Donghyuck to his part time job before running to meet up with Jaemin.

“I haven’t told them about you yet” Minhyung tells him.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. It’s like, this is our place or something. Like I don’t want to share you with the other guys” Minhyung says.

Jaemin laughs, shaking his head at Minhyung’s childishness.

“They’re all too good and then you’ll forget me” Minhyung says.

“Don’t be an idiot. I won’t ignore you” Jaemin says, laughter lacing the obvious lie here.

“I can imagine you ditching my ass for Jeno” Minhyung grumbles “that kid, he’s much too handsome to be real”

Jaemin laughs so hard he keens over. “Okay. Okay. I don’t mind not meeting them”

“I’ll bring them over someday. Just, not today. Not now. Someday” More than promising Jaemin, he promises himself.

“If you say so. Just give me a day’s warning. Got to be prepared to meet Jeno you know?” Jaemin’s eyes crinkle with excitement.

Minhyung shoots a withering glare at him. “Rude”

Jaemin leans back into the bench with a triumphant grin.

 

-

 

Jaemin looks a little pale and tired these days. Minhyung finds him slouching listlessly once, another time it’s the neck stretched back and head rolling off the backrest of the bench and he stares at the sky like it has done him wrong. The umbrella lies rolled close and tucked snugly into the side of his right thigh and Minhyung knows it’s a little too windy to keep the umbrella open. Jaemin slips into cheerful banter as soon as Minhyung starts talking but the far-away look that have suddenly settled into Jaemin’s features is unsettling. Minhyung knows it’s odd and can’t help but feel the anxious little churn in his stomach.

“Are you alright?” he asks, once when Jaemin feels a little distant and distracted.

“Yeah. Why?” Jaemin wide eyes wonder how Minhyung could even think so but Minhyung can see plain as day, that it’s not real. The apparent disbelief has been pulled on like a mask.

“I don’t know. You seem uncomfortable. Are you sick? Have you visited the doctor?”

“I’m perfectly fine” Jaemin is back to those days when all he did was stare out at the roads and cars. This time the eyes are blank and unfocused.

“That’s nonsense. Your eyes keep shifting nervously and there’s a lot on your mind, I just know it. Tell me. Talk to me. I want to help” Minhyung says.

“It’s nothing”

Minhyung reaches out a hand towards Jaemin’s forehead. Jaemin evades, eyes downcast. Minhyung is a little disgruntled and pulls back, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Jaemin, I’m worried. Please” Minhyung begs.

“Look maybe I’m a little sick and maybe it’s contagious. You don’t have to do that, it’s fine” his eyes travel to the hand on Minhyung’s lap.

Minhyung sighs. “I keep telling you to wear warmer clothes. It’s freezing”

“I’m not cold. Unlike you I’m not even shivering”

It was true and very odd. Jaemin barely manages to convince Minhyung not to remove his scarf and wrap it around him. Or share for that matter.

“Time for you to go home dweeb” Jaemin says, voice all quiet. He looks at Minhyung. Minhyung realises it’s how he’s needed Jaemin to look at him all these days, but happier, brighter. Jaemin’s eyes are glazed over and the smile is watery. Sincere but sad in ways and Minhyung hates not knowing why.

“Again with the nicknames”

Jaemin waves cheerfully. Mark frowns as he stands.

“I, I want to be a rapper. I’m going to go audition in Seoul later in January” he blurts out. Anything to do away with that look on Jaemin’s face.

Jaemin’s mouth falls open at the sudden news. Minhyung smiles at look of genuine shock and surprise. “Really?”

Minhyung nods. “That’s great news” Jaemin smiles for real this time “Are you planning to do it alone?”

“I think I may ask Donghyuck. Maybe we can do it together”

“You should”

“I haven’t even heard him sing yet”

“He’s amazing, trust me”

“I do”

 

-

 

Minhyung makes up his mind to really go to Seoul after blurting out the half-baked thought in front of Jaemin. So, when he’s back in school after a weekend of actually thinking this through, he decides to  
go for it. It’s nearly break time at school and Minhyung can’t seem to stop his leg that shifts impatiently.

“Hey”, he pulls Donghyuck’s sleeve as soon as the bell rings. All 3 turn to look at him curiously. “I know that you want to be a singer. I don’t know what kind yet but I want to get into mainstream show business as a rapper” he looks at Donghyuck. “I’m going to audition in January” he says.

“That’s a great idea” Renjun says.

“But?” Jeno senses his hesitation.

“I need a partner” Minhyung shoots an expectant look at Donghyuck.

“You’re asking me?” Donghyuck asks.

Minhyung nods, unsure. He bites his lips, ready for rejection.

“You sure about this?” Donghyuck asks again

“Yes. I figured you were going to audition sometime soon, so why not just do it together?” Minhyung says, not knowing what to expect. He couldn’t force someone for his own benefit. He was only riding  
on the assumptions of what Donghyuck really wanted.

“Sounds good to me” Donghyuck smiles at him. “But you haven’t really heard me singing have you?” he asks.

“I trust you” Minhyung says. There’s more confidence on his face and in his words than he actually feels. It’s going to be okay. Jaemin thinks so. And from the sheer amount of time he’s spent with Donghyuck, he has no reason not to trust him.

“But—”

“I trust you” Minhyung says firmly, cutting off all his protests, holding Donghyuck’s shoulder this time. It convinces Donghyuck and more than anything, he convinces himself.

Renjun and Jeno announce that coincidentally, they’ve been planning to audition too, but not so soon. Promises are made. Wherever Minhyung and Donghyuck get in, Renjun and Jeno will follow.

Between all these promises, Minhyung decides it’s finally time to tell them about Jaemin.

He tells them of a boy with the blue umbrella. His constant urge to bother and nag Minhyung, make up stupid nick names and the ability to call out Minhyung on his bullshit. He tells them of his brilliant smile and how he’d fit right in. He skips over the part where he also makes Minhyung’s insides jelly but he tells them of a football player and how he’s the bravest person Minhyung’s ever met.

Of course, when he tells them Jaemin is from the South branch he gets his ass beat good. But when he tells them Jaemin wants to meet them and that one day they should all get together, the gang seems more enthusiastic than he’s ever been.

Amidst all the jokes Minhyung suddenly catches Jeno shoving Renjun playfully by the shoulder.

He stills, surprised at what seems more intimate than he’s ever noticed. He turns to Donghyuck for help. “Are they, are they like—?” he stutters, unable to form coherent sentences.

“Yes. Whatever you’re thinking, yes” Donghyuck nods sagely.

“What the actual fu— Since when?”

“Since the beginning of time. Haven’t you seen how they gang up on me? It’s brutal” Donghyuck’s lips are pressed into a thin line. He shakes his head with a defeated sigh.

“So it’s official?” Minhyung asks again, just to make sure.

“They’re practically married”

 

-

 

It’s the last day of school before winter break. Minhyung’s dressed better today. The cold is bearable. It’s considerably less windy. He’s never been able to understand these mood swings the weather seems to have. The gradual drop in temperature is the only constant day by day.

The open umbrella in Jaemin’s arms is a sight for sore eyes. Minhyung’s come to love the shock of blue. Jaemin’s umbrella is tipped backwards, not quite covering his head. He’s slid down the bench,  
draped lazily on it and his neck rests on top of the backrest. His head is pulled back too, eyes focused on the sky and the same exhaustion outlining his figure.

Minhyung creeps up on him. “Boo!” he whispers when he’s close enough. Jaemin screams and startles back into life, string of curses leaving him as Minhyung laughs uncontrollably, slapping a hand against his knee.

He settles down and finds himself in the same position as Jaemin. They lay listlessly, facing each other. The silence is comforting. And if the sounds of vehicles zooming past and the occasional bells on those store doors were a lullaby, they’d fall asleep right here.

“Hyung’s bringing his boyfriend home” Minhyung says.

“It’s about damn time” Jaemin smiles. “How’s your little gang?”

“I told them about you. They’re very excited to meet you”

“Especially Jeno?”

“Sorry to say but he’s taken” Minhyung says smugly.

“Aww shucks” Jaemin looks dejected. He was getting a good rise out of teasing Minhyung after all. “How’s Donghyuck? I was right wasn’t I? He really likes you doesn’t he?”

“No such thing” Minhyung says. “He’s a great guy. But I really don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Wow I can’t believe you’re this thick headed” Jaemin mumbles.

They’re back to staring at each other. Minhyung counts every blink, framed by Jaemin’s lashes, like the seconds tick on a clock. Not as rushed but driving Minhyung insane anyway.

“Do you believe in happy endings?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“I do” Jaemin says.

“Are—are we allowed to have ours?” Minhyung asks, hesitation laced in a question he’s not sure he’s supposed to ask. Not right now.

“Minhyung” Jaemin’s eyes widen “What’s this about?”

Minhyung can’t bring himself to answer. He can only stare back into those worried eyes and hope for the best. Even though Jaemin is right here in front of him, he can sense some hesitance. It feels like Jaemin’s backing away into himself ever so slowly and Minhyung can do nothing to stop that. He wants to reach out and fix what he’s said.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jaemin says with a pained expression, his voice barely above whisper.

“Like what?”

“Like Donghyuck looks at you”

“How does Donghyuck look at me?”

“Like you mean the world to him. Like he could be anything together with you. Like—”

“Jaemin—” Minhyung sits up. Jaemin follows.

“No, please. Don’t say it” he says, pleading.

“Jaemin, listen to me” Minhyung tries again “I just—”

“I’m not what you think I am” Jaemin’s eyes drop to his lap. “I don’t want to lose what we have. Our friendship, these daily banters are the best thing I’ve had in a while. Please, help me keep it” he looks back at Minhyung with watery eyes. “I want us to stay this way”

“We will. Nothing has to change. I promise” Minhyung says.

“You don’t understand—”

“It doesn’t matter. The only thing I understand is that I like you” Minhyung beams with sincerity. “Nothing has to change Jaemin” he says tenderly.

Jaemin closes his eyes tiredly. “Minhyung. We can’t. I can’t”

“Why not?”

“Because it’ll hurt you and there’s I can do nothing to stop it” there’s a fire in his eyes. A sad flickering flame and it could still ruin Minhyung if Jaemin wished it.

Minhyung doesn’t have the heart to back down after coming this far. “Tell me I’m wrong. You like me. You like me too, don’t you?” he knows it. He’s seen it on Jaemin’s face. The same yearning he’s seen on Taeyong’s face.

Jaemin looks away. He can’t bring himself to look at Minhyung. It was true. But it was not meant to be. Jaemin just needed to establish that and Minhyung would come back to his senses.

“I’m just asking for one chance” Minhyung speaks to break the silence. It makes Jaemin look up at him.

“Are you asking me for the chance you won’t give Donghyuck?” Jaemin says and it hurts, strange and painful.

“That’s not fair. This isn’t about Donghyuck” Minhyung feels the prickle of anger boiling inside him. He feels more upset than that should have made him. Donghyuck is a great friend but that’s all he is.

“In some ways, it is” Jaemin’s expression is impressively impassive.

“Is that how it is?” Minhyung stands up, anger threatening to overflow its limits. “You’re going to put this one on me because I’m not responding positively to Donghyuck’s non-existent feelings for me?”

“Something like that” Jaemin shrugs and stands in front of him, umbrella left to balance itself on the bench. He swipes a thumb across his nose and refuses to meet Minhyung’s eyes in this utterly disrespectful way. Minhyung clenches his jaw. He doesn’t really understand why Jaemin is suddenly behaving so out of character.

“I didn’t think you of all people would—”

“Are you done here?” Jaemin looks him dead in the eye. He’s never looked this serious before.

As disoriented as Minhyung feels, he pushes himself past Jaemin. His bag hangs loosely on one shoulder and he almost bumps into Jaemin’s shoulder angrily as he walks past.

 

But Jaemin evades. Just as Jaemin always evades.

 

-

 

Minhyung hasn’t seen Jaemin in two weeks. Vacation has started. It’s so much colder and the temperature has plummeted exponentially over the time he’s stayed away. And while he’s embarrassed and angry at Jaemin, he can’t help but wonder if Jaemin is wearing appropriate clothes. It’s supposed to start snowing today.

He’s tucked comfortably inside his blankets in his room upstairs, watching the highlights of the latest ice hockey match. His father’s out of town. His mother’s out grocery shopping. And it smells like food; Taeyong’s probably in the kitchen, which is odd. He’s probably cooking with at least 3 blankets wrapped around himself, Minhyung assumes.

The bell rings. That must be mom, he thinks and lazily makes to get of his bed, only because she’d promised him some things from the market. He shrugs a sweater on, even with the centralised heater running because nothing can be too warm in this weather.

He sloppily runs his fingers through his hair, pushing back his bangs and walks down the stairs in the living room. He wasn’t expecting someone to be kissing his brother right there at the entrance.

That must be Yuta.

He clears his throat loudly, starling them apart, still holding on to each other.

“There’s a free room upstairs, if you want” Minhyung says raising his hands defensively at his brother’s sour expression “Just saying” he shrugs.

The guest laughs, running his fingers through Taeyong’s hair gently and pulling him closer. “This must be Minhyung” he smiles at him.

“That’s him” Taeyong sighs, detaching himself from Yuta.

“I’m Yuta” he turns to Minhyung and stretches out a hand for him to take. “I’ve heard so much about you” he smiles. Once Minhyung’s hand is in Yuta’s he isn’t paying attention. All he can see is a brilliant smile, kind eyes and feel some sense of familiarity he can’t seem to place.

“Oh believe me, it feels like I know you already. Hyung wouldn’t shut up about you” Minhyung mutters and Yuta laughs at Taeyong’s protests.

They settle comfortably in the living room. Yuta is cool beyond imagination and Minhyung can’t help but admire him in all ways. Be it gaming, humour or the turtleneck sweater he’s wearing. What Minhyung loves most is that Yuta takes his side when he argues with Taeyong and wholeheartedly joins in to roast him together.

Taeyong slips away to check on food from time to time. Yuta sits to his left and they’re pushing at each other, trying to sabotage the ongoing race under the sorry excuse of playing this game. Yuta grunts and pulls back his sleeves just a little so they’d stop falling over his palms. There’s a cool watch on his right wrist and Minhyung spots a familiar braided band on his left.

“That kinda thing is popular these days huh?” he nods towards the blue band.

“I think so” Yuta nods, pressing a few buttons to start the next round.

“What does it say?” Minhyung turns his eyes towards the screen to select his players.

“Seven” Yuta says.

“Like the number?” Minhyung asks.

“Yup” Yuta lets out a breathy laugh.

“Huh?” Minhyung turns to him, incredibly confused. Yuta is just pulling his sleeves up his forearms then and Minhyung gets so distracted by them that he watches another band slip down Yuta’s left forearm down to his wrist.

Minhyung forgets his question. The new band is green and Minhyung’s pretty sure where he’s seen this one before.

“My brother used to wear this one” Yuta says, voice quieter as he turns back to the game.

“I know someone who wears a band like that. What does this one say?” Minhyung asks, unable to contain his questions now.

“Brave” Yuta turns to smile at him. Minhyung believes in coincidences. If what he’s thinking is right, then—

“You’re wearing Nana’s too?” Taeyong comes in then and flops down onto the sofa behind them. “That’s very sweet” his voice his so very affectionate and Minhyung notices the slight press of Taeyong’s hand into Yuta’s shoulder. He doesn’t know what to make of it. All he could hear was Nana. Nana?

“I miss him” Yuta forces a smile. Taeyong pulls him backwards into the sofa, between his legs and plays with his hair. Minhyung doesn’t understand what seems to look like some sort of silent consolation.

It keeps running through his head. Nana? Nana? Where has he heard this before—and then he hears it in Haeun’s voice.

 

‘I saw Nana, I wanted to play’

 

Minhyung’s breath catches in his throat. It can’t be. Is Yuta Jaemin’s elder brother? Was Jaemin always waiting for Yuta by the junction? He couldn’t be too sure.

“Who’s Nana?” he asks, with genuine curiosity because he needed to be sure. The world is so small. He isn’t prepared for the wave of silence that follows the question though. Had he said something wrong? Did he unknowingly, unintentionally ask of something that was none of his business? Taeyong swallows and looks at Yuta as if waiting for consent. Yuta has a pained expression on his face as he clutches onto Taeyong’s reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Minhyung’s not sure what’s happening but the apology is on the tip of his tongue. Before he can say anything, Yuta beats him to it.

“It’s okay” he says. More to Taeyong than Minhyung. Minhyung looks at Taeyong who smiles sadly.

“Remember I told you that Yuta lost a member of his family? That was Nana” Taeyong explains. Somewhere inside Minhyung is assured that his theory about Jaemin and Yuta being brothers was wrong. But his heart races unusually and he feels incredibly sad as he looks at Yuta whose bright smile flickers as he offers further explanation.

“Nana is, was, my little brother” Yuta says.

Minhyung’s heart leaps to his throat. A younger brother?

“I lost him to an accident in June this year” Yuta explains, looking down at the band, mildly upset. “He was your age”

 

Minhyung’s mind runs in all directions. He can hear Jaemin saying all these things now that suddenly don’t make sense to him. And he hadn’t ever been in the right mind to question them either.

‘Is he like you too?’ Haeun’s voice rings in his ears.

‘Minhyung. We can’t. I can’t’ Jaemin says.

 

He doesn’t like what he’s thinking.

 

“Wait”, Minhyung can’t breathe, “wait. Did your brother go to the south branch?” he asks, eyes widening fearfully.

“Yes?” Yuta says, unsure where this is going. “What’s wrong?” he asks after looking at Minhyung fidgeting in place.

“I—I have a friend, who goes to south, wears the same band around his wrist, is called Nana and he plays football” Minhyung shoots off at full speed, panic starting to set in. He hopes to God he’s wrong. He hopes his mind hasn’t just made this all up. “Granted I haven’t seen him in a while but—”

“You knew my brother?” Yuta leans forward, surprised.

“I don’t think they’re the same person” Minhyung says, unable to accept that there could be two Nana’s who play football in the south branch, wear the same bracelet and have a brother in university.

Yuta shakes his head. “There’s only one each of these two bands in the entire world” he bends to Minhyung’s height while Taeyong watches in confusion. “That’s because they have our names on it and because our father braided them and carved these stones for us with his bad hand writing” He hooks a finger into the braid with a single bead. “We exchanged our bands. He wore mine and I wore his”

Yuta looked back at Minhyung. “Brave for the characters ‘Yu’ from ‘Yuta’. That’s me”.

 

‘he gave it to me before going into surgery’ Minhyung’s eyes water. His hands tighten around the fabric on his knees. This can’t be. His lips quiver with the weight of the next question. He dares ask.

 

“Hyung you, did you ever want to be a football player too?” he averts his eyes. He knows the answer to this one. He hopes it’s not the one that he would hear from Yuta. He hears it from Taeyong instead.

“Yes” Minhyung sees another subtle squeeze on the shoulder. “But due to an injury he had to get a surgery. They said he had to give it up”

A tear slips down his cheek. Minhyung looks up and blinks to control them, sniffling. His hands feel weak, sweaty, shaky. It couldn’t possibly be Jaemin. Not his Jaemin even after all these facts line up perfectly. He’d just seen Jaemin two weeks ago and Nana had died in June. He keeps it to himself. He doesn’t dare say he met Jaemin recently because he couldn’t be…Minhyung knows this is the one thing that doesn’t line up. The one thing Minhyung desperately holds on to.

“Minhyung, is everything alright?” Yuta presses a hand to his shoulder looking extremely concerned. Minhyung blinks, spotting the same look on Taeyong’s face. Before Taeyong can read him like a book, he wraps his hand around Yuta’s wrist, fingers hot, grip strong enough to hold himself together.

“Hyung” he looks at Yuta. “One last question, if you don’t mind”

“Minhyung. What is this about?” Taeyong asks as he always does before laying out his speculations or outright jumping to conclusions.

“It’s okay” Yuta nods. “You may”

 

Minhyung takes a deep breath. One last time he prays, desperately, so that Yuta wouldn’t say the one name he was so afraid of hearing. “What’s his name? What’s your brother’s name?”

 

Yuta looks at him strangely.

 

“Jaemin” he says.

 

Minhyung pales. Between apologizes, tripping as he rushes to get up and a frantic ‘I’ll be back in a moment’, he pushes himself to the lobby. When he slips on his boots, he spots the narrow basket by the door and an all too familiar blue umbrella in it. He feels nauseous, hardly processing Taeyong’s questions and Yuta’s plea to put on warmer clothes at the very least. He can’t bring himself to look at them.

He flees.

He feels so breathless running up the steep route he only ever uses to come back from school. He won’t believe it until he sees Jaemin. Until he sees Jaemin and reassures himself that there is, in fact, another Jaemin who happens to be Yuta’s brother. Another Jaemin who wears a bracelet, another Jaemin that plays football and another Jaemin who has a brother that went into surgery for…for…

Minhyung starts crying. Uncontrollably. It’s a difficult climb up. It’s so cold. He hates the cold. It feels like he’s fallen headfirst into a shallow pool of ice cold water, like his feet touches the bottom and he springs up for a breath of air, gasping, gulping it up greedily but when his eyes roam around, only to see the endless open water, ice cold, he realises he doesn’t know how to swim at all.

The information running through his insides overpower him like turbulent waves, dragging him under the surface. He cries, hoping for the unlikely to happen when he does find Jaemin. He runs, runs for the bench because he’d never been in the right mind to ask where Jaemin lived. He runs, not knowing if he will find Jaemin mid-afternoon on a weekend on the bench. Jaemin only ever waits at the bench for his brother on weekdays, after school. And it’s vacation.

He does find Jaemin. Like he finds Jaemin every single day. Legs crossed over one above the other and that infuriating blue umbrella open above his head.

His heart sinks.

 

Minhyung is a good 20 feet away when Jaemin spots him. He jumps up from his seat, surprised. He grows worried at the wane expression on Minhyung’s face and his shoulder lined in defeat.

 

“You—you idiot!” Jaemin stumbles with his words. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you wearing appropriate clothes?” Jaemin takes a step forward then stops himself. Minhyung’s eyes widen at this. His body is burning up from the running. He steps forward with purpose.

When he reaches out with his hand, Jaemin leaps back. Terrified.

“Jaemin please” Minhyung pleads. “Just this once”

“Minhyung, I told you. We shouldn’t” Jaemin shakes his head, calm but disapproving.

“I just, I just need to know—” Minhyung stumbles forward, reaching out again. Jaemin steps back again till he’s in Minhyung’s spot near the bench and Minhyung near his.

“What is it that you need to know that you won’t respect personal boundaries?” Jaemin’s grip around the shaft of his umbrella tightened.

I need to know that you’re not a figment of my imagination. Why won’t you let me touch you? Why are you still in your school clothes? Why don’t you feel the cold? Why are you here today? Is your brother called Yuta? Questions get stuck in Minhyung’s throat. And eventually the one he manages to ask is “Does Haeun’s mother ignore you because she actually can’t see you?”

Jaemin stiffens.

“Sit” he says, as he lowers himself to the bench. Minhyung does and his eyes don’t leave Jaemin’s even in the silence that follows. His eyes are puffy and the tear streaks are still smudged dirty across his face. “Have you been crying?” Jaemin asks, eyebrows furrowing.

“I’m not saying anything until you tell me why you’re hell bent on evading me. I know you’re not germophobic” Minhyung bites out. Jaemin swallows. “Tell me what’s happening. Tell me what I’m thinking is not true” Minhyung begins choking on his words “Tell you’re alive” he tears up again, biting his lower lip harshly to keep himself from crying.

Jaemin can’t look at him. But when he does, he shakes his head. “I’m sorry”

“Sorry for what?” Minhyung asks. Jaemin’s smile in return is much too watery and apologetic. Minhyung and Jaemin stare at each other for the longest time until Jaemin notices how Minhyung has started shivering.

“You really should have dressed better” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Minhyung tries for a final time, to reach out and feel the smooth skin on Jaemin’s cheek. Jaemin doesn’t flinch away this time. Minhyung’s eyes widen in disbelief ever so slightly, but he goes so slow as if to give Jaemin the chance to pull away even at this moment, if he wanted to. But Jaemin stays put, leaning the side of his head to the back of the bench.

Minhyung expects freezing cold when his hand reaches Jaemin’s cheek, instead he feels nothing. He can’t feel Jaemin’s face, he can’t touch Jaemin, and even as he curls his fingers hoping to, they go right through his face.

Minhyung’s arm hangs in the air, fingers clenched into a tight fist as sobs wrack his body. More than feeling afraid, it’s painful. And if the pain of being rejected was anything, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling right now. As his arm drops to the bench, all he can feel is the cold stone. Where Jaemin’s lap should have been, it isn’t.

Jaemin sighs, distress clear in his voice as he runs a hand through his hair. Minhyung can only cry. It hasn’t hurt like this ever before. He remembers thinking of losing Jaemin back when he had foolishly run into oncoming traffic. Now he has. He’s lost his first real friend. His best friend, and the person he hoped loved him back just as much as Minhyung loved him. The sobs shake his frame violently and he can’t hope to stop them even as he braces his elbows on his knees and cradles his face in his hands. It’s difficult to breathe.

Minhyung cries and Jaemin lets him. There’s no consolation from Jaemin except for a pained expression of apology Minhyung can’t bear to look at. They say nothing for the hour Minhyung convinces himself of this reality. It’s not very easy to accept and Minhyung still has so many questions with no explanations to them.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He should be angry. It’s all so overwhelming but he can’t bring himself to be angry at Jaemin.

“I wanted to. I really did. At first—” Jaemin looks at him “I didn’t believe you could see me. Then you started talking, and I hadn’t done that for the longest time. Call me selfish. As we became friends, I wanted to be even more so. But because we were friends, I wanted to tell you the truth. If you knew, you’d be so afraid and never come this way again” he smiled sadly. “So, on days I felt particularly courageous, I rolled up this umbrella, kept it between us and prayed your curiosity would make you reach out for it. And when you would, you’d know that it wasn’t real. That I wasn’t real” Jaemin looked away, his eyes distant. “But you never did. Over time, I lost the heart to tell you. I liked you too much to say anything that would make you afraid of me”

“I wish I still didn’t know” Minhyung sniffles. “I wish I didn’t have so much time to think and I wish I could’ve been blissfully ignorant”

“I was hoping I’d just disappear one day. I wouldn’t turn up, ever, and then you’d assume things and be angry at me. At least you wouldn’t have to know I was dead. That was okay” Jaemin tells him.

“How is that okay? I’d have marched into your school, threatened your friends for information and eventually I would’ve figured it out” Minhyung mumbles in annoyance.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to say it myself” Jaemin looks back at him, swallowing thickly. “Do you understand why I couldn’t let you touch me? I didn’t want you to know. Do you understand why we can’t be together?”

Minhyung’s eyes water again as his lips quiver. He nods but still hopes this is a cruel nightmare. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “Why can I see you?” he asks.

Jaemin leans back into the armrest, “I honestly don’t know. Haeun is this only one who could always see me. But she can see others like me too. I don’t think you can. So, I’ve chalked it up to the day we met” He looks at Minhyung with a small teasing smile, barely there. “Everyone knows the last light is magical” he shrugs. Minhyung chuckles lightly.

“How is it that you could touch Haeun but I can’t touch you?” he asks.

“I’m not supposed to be able to. As a spirit, there’s no physical connection to the real world. I’m only bound to the place of my death but by conscious effort, I’m able to affect a few things. It takes a lot just to appear like this. Normal. But altering the real world has consequences. It speeds up the countdown to my disintegration” Jaemin tells him. “I could touch you if I really wished it”

Minhyung takes all the information in. “Why haven’t you moved on, to the other side?”

“Because I’m waiting for someone. I need to tell them something” Jaemin looks at Minhyung like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And Minhyung knew.

“You haven’t met your brother yet, have you?” Minhyung asks. It hurts to know. Because how could he have, if Yuta had been walking home with Taeyong all these days, on another route. And why would Yuta ever come down here knowing this is where his brother died.

Jaemin nods. “I can leave after I meet him”

 

This scares Minhyung. Should he tell Jaemin that he knows Yuta? That he met Yuta? If Jaemin were to ever meet Yuta, Minhyung would lose Jaemin forever.  
He had somehow accepted that Jaemin wasn’t alive, but he was still here wasn’t he? And that was enough. Minhyung still has his friend. But to know he would disappear if his regrets are undone, it scares Minhyung more than anything. He keeps everything to himself. If Jaemin could choose to be selfish, then so could he.

In the silence that follows, Minhyung steels himself to ask. “How did you die?” he asks “It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me” he adds “I just feel sensitive and insensitive all at the same time today”

“I don’t mind” Jaemin says. Jaemin tells him of a time when it was raining, hence the umbrella. He was waiting here for his brother as usual and a vehicle had skidded down the slope, out of control from all the water and perhaps a few worn out tyres. He had rushed onto the road to save someone. Minhyung wants to punch Jaemin, he thinks. Of course. “I think I felt my head crack open” Jaemin grimaces. “When I woke up, my brother was crying, draped over my body and I was watching it all, standing on the side” he finishes. It was weird to see himself in a pool of blood. He notices Minhyung crying again. He shows him things that ‘died’ with him. All that he had with himself at the time of death. The blue umbrella, his watch, the bracelet, then the house keys surface from his pocket, a movie ticket and empty candy wrappers. “Who knew candy wrappers would become ghosts huh?” Jaemin laughs a little and so does Minhyung between all the breathless sobbing.

 

“Minhyung?” he hears. That’s not Jaemin. “Is that you?” he looks up towards the source of the voice and so does Jaemin.

It’s Donghyuck.

He seems startled for a second, to have found Minhyung in an utterly disheveled state and out of sorts. “Oh my—” he runs to Minhyung. “You’re crying. Why are you crying?” he rubs away the tears with his thumb and kneels to sit in front of Minhyung.

“No, I’m not” Minhyung protests.

“As if he can’t see you” Jaemin supplies from the side. Minhyung shuts his mouth. He dares not retort. Donghyuck can’t see Jaemin. As far as he’s concerned, Minhyung is sitting here alone and crying.

Donghyuck ignores Minhyung’s protests and takes his hand in his. “You’re cold” he chides gently, worry surfacing quickly. “You’re not even dressed properly” he looks at Minhyung who only bites his lip and blinks back.

“We’re leaving and you’re coming with me” Donghyuck says, pulling him up by the hand. Minhyung doesn’t say anything.

“In case you still can’t believe it, come meet me at 22nd, 9th cross road, 5th street. I’ll be waiting” that’s all he hears from Jaemin before he gets dragged away.

On the way with Donghyuck, he doesn’t say anything, except for the occasional sniffling. Donghyuck doesn’t ask. If Minhyung wants to say it, he will. Donghyuck’s home is on the way to Minhyung’s. They stop by there and when Donghyuck offers to walk him home, Minhyung refuses. But before he leaves, Donghyuck makes sure to put his coat on Minhyung and tells him to be in touch. Donghyuck worries, but makes him promise that they’d all go out somewhere. All four of them.

 

His feet carry him home. As he reaches, his brother is rushing out of the door. He stops as soon as he spots Minhyung. “There you are. I was beginning to get worried” he smiles. “Whose coat is that?”

It hits him all at once then, looking at Taeyong. He feels nauseous and there’s a lump in his throat. Tears stream down his face uncontrollably and he feels like a five year old who has bruised his knees and must cry about it to his elder brother.

Taeyong holds him, eyes wide in disbelief and worry. “Minhyung” he taps his face gently “Minhyung tell me what’s wrong”. When Minhyung continues to cry, Taeyong gathers him into his arms and lets him bury his face into his shoulder. He cards his fingers through his brother’s hair, a gesture of comfort and a silent plea for explanation.

 

“He’s dead hyung” Minhyung shudders “My friend, he’s dead”. Taeyong holds him tighter. Nothing he can say will make this better. “Yuta hyung’s brother, he was my friend. And I didn’t know. I didn’t know” Minhyung cries.

They stay outside for a while in each other’s arms. “Let’s get you inside” Taeyong says gently and guides him in. That night, Minhyung hurls twice and it doesn’t snow.

 

-

 

22nd, 9th cross, 5th street.

It keeps ringing through his head over and over. He feels so sick. He pulls himself out of bed with only one thing in mind.

22nd, 9th cross, 5th street.

He forces down lunch somehow. He can’t bring himself to talk to his brother, or mother, who doesn’t even ask him. He feels a gentle hand on his head and it’s gone before it makes him think too hard or cry. Taeyong has told her and for that he’s thankful. He couldn’t possibly say it all again. That’ll just make it truer.

He lets his feet drag him down out of the house all the way down to 5th street. He doesn’t know what to expect as he turns into 9th cross road.

25, 24…he looks at the rundown row houses that stop two buildings down. 23…and then an open plot. The compound wall is high and metal rods of swirling patterns are adorned with creepers. A little farther ahead is a similar gate that sways and creaks with the slightest of winds. Minhyung registers the word ‘cemetery’ floating high above the gates.

He feels bile rise in his throat. He dreads what awaits inside but he runs in, not to let another thought interrupt him. It’s a little too sunny to be this cold.

Hundreds of tombstones are lined beside him. The place is eerily silent and Minhyung tries not to think about all the bodies under his feet. He looks around frantically, steering his head to try and find Jaemin.

A blue umbrella shines back at him, as if to smile like an old friend.

It’s a little far away but Minhyung feels conflicted as he jogs towards it. He slows down as he nears the person holding it. The lazy way it hangs off their shoulder is so familiar. Minhyung is afraid to call out. He silently walks around till he can see the face he hopes to.

“Minhyung?” a confused voice asks, eyes wide in surprise.

“Yuta hyung” Minhyung lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. A breath of disappointment. Yuta didn’t expect to see him here but he knows why he is.

“Taeyong told me” Yuta eyes him, then looks back in front of him. Minhyung moves to stand with him in front of a tombstone. It reads ‘Nakamoto Jaemin’ and scrawled beneath are the dates. Minhyung blinks back hot tears as it all sinks in. Yuta puts a hand around his shoulder and pulls him closer.

They sit in front of Jaemin for a while, talking about him. Yuta tells him about Jaemin. Tells him about how Jaemin was so obsessed about having his jersey number everywhere, backpack to wristband and all the other little shenanigans he was up to.

He pulls out a picture from his wallet. “Why don’t you hang on to this for me” he says and sure enough, Minhyung sees, it’s a picture of his friend in jersey uniform with the captain’s band around his arm. Jaemin is laughing and Minhyung is sure he can still hear it.

It hurts, it all hurts so much.

“Thanks, hyung” he says.

 

-

 

Minhyung wastes away his vacation in his room. He feels lethargy wash over him and abandons his music in favour of curling inside his blankets all day, trying to distract himself by watching TV. Nothing Taeyong says has worked.

He doesn’t go out to meet Jaemin and cries himself to sleep every night. Even though he’d thought Jaemin is still here, unreal but here anyway, he still can’t face Jaemin. Not now. Not ever. He’s listless and so uninspired. It goes on like this till Donghyuck, Jeno and Renjun turn up at his doorstep.

He feels a twinge of guilt looking at their worried expressions.

Taeyong is really glad they could come. He shoos them all off to Minhyung’s room and leaves them be. They gather around on Minhyung’s bed. An awkward silence befalls the room. Nobody knows where to begin. Minhyung hasn’t been responding to their calls. It’s always his mother or Taeyong answering the telephone. It’s only because Taeyong had dropped a few hints of what might be happening that they could really come over to pull Minhyung out of his room.

But Taeyong hadn’t told them anything. He’d said, that, was up to Minhyung to reveal.

And so, they were all here. Looking at each other with no clue what was happening, except for Donghyuck who had made up millions of scenarios after seeing Minhyung cry the other day. Before he can ask anything, Minhyung gives his coat back to him with a small thank you and settles back in his place, crossed legged and stares down at his hands, unseeing.

Renjun tightens his hand around Jeno’s at the sight of this lifeless Minhyung. Jeno turns to Donghyuck with pleading eyes. Donghyuck squeezes Minhyung’s shoulder comfortingly.

“Bud, you want to tell us what happened?” Donghyuck asks gently.

Minhyung feels his throat constrict again as he opens his mouth to retort. None of your business, he wants to say. But all that comes out is a shallow, shaky breath. His vision is clouded. He blinks back hot tears as more hands come up to his back and run down comfortingly. They’re all sitting close now.

 

He decides it’s alright to tell them. From the side-table cabinet he pulls out a card and brings it inside their little circle and flips it over. It’s a photograph.

 

Minhyung looks up at their confused expressions with tears brimming in his eyes. And with a brilliant smile he says, “Meet Jaemin”. He looks at Donghyuck just as a tear rolls down. “He’s dead”

 

-

 

As soon as Minhyung announces to Jaemin that he may know how to find his brother, and that he’ll bring him to Jaemin soon, he marches off. Marches off, because he doesn’t deserve the bright smile Jaemin gives him and because it’s unbearable to see Jaemin look so extremely pale and miserable.

 

-

 

Even without Renjun or Jeno accompanying him, Donghyuck comes by Minhyung’s house frequently. They spend a lot of time together and Minhyung is definitely changing for the better. Taeyong hears them singing together once in a while and so does Yuta. Donghyuck puts back the guitar in Minhyung’s hands and stops at the right moments to inspire lyrics from Minhyung.

Taeyong has taken a liking to Donghyuck the way he is protective of Minhyung. To Yuta, Donghyuck has become like Jaemin and Minhyung. When in an argument, Yuta and Donghyuck are like an unstoppable tag team against the brothers. Minhyung generally concedes with a groan. Taeyong, who’s used to it, forfeits as soon as Yuta glares at him.

While Yuta and Minhyung share nostalgic looks across the rooms about a young boy, they’re both coming to terms with reality. Minhyung feels guilty about not telling the truth. It wasn’t the right time yet, he’d thought. It’s perhaps the fact that there are little pieces of Jaemin in Yuta that Minhyung can’t unsee. They keep reminding him that Jaemin is waiting and they keep reminding him that he doesn’t want Jaemin to leave.

Donghyuck knows as much as Minhyung knows. Between tears, Minhyung has also admitted to being in love with Jaemin. He may have been insensitive to Donghyuck’s feelings (as Jaemin would put it), but Donghyuck has stayed with him nevertheless.

 

When Minhyung refuses to tell Yuta, Donghyuck takes matters into his own hands. He fears it may be too late. Even though he can’t see Jaemin, he decides to take Yuta to him. It’s difficult to convince Yuta to go anywhere near the bench. It’s one thing the see Jaemin under a tombstone, it’s an entirely different matter to stand where he’d held Jaemin’s bloodied, lifeless body.

Yuta does agree. Minhyung wants to meet Yuta there, Donghyuck tells him. Which is not entirely a lie, Donghyuck thinks.

“Why here of all places?” Yuta tries to sound unaffected.

“Minhyung wanted to show you something” Donghyuck says “and this is a meaningful place for it”. He puts an arm around Yuta and squeezes reassuringly. “Let me go in to that store there and find out if he’s on his way” Donghyuck says as he begins walking to the arcade behind them.

Yuta stretches in his place and tries not to think about this too much. The sun is setting behind the hills in front of him. Light is fading quickly. Yuta begins to remember all these things he’d locked away.  
It’s difficult to push them all away when they seem to make it look like it was all Yuta’s fault that day. Pain prickles behind his eyes, his vision is cloudy with tears just the sun winks before disappearing. There’s a cool gust of wind and then, silence.

 

“Yuta-nii?”

 

Yuta whips his head around at the voice. A familiar voice he’s missed too much. There’s someone beside him. But across his watery eyes he can only see a lot of blue. He rubs away at his eyes hastily, hoping he wasn’t imagining things.

 

“Jaemin?” his eyes widen in disbelief.

 

 

A little up the lane, Donghyuck walks out of the arcade. He’d told Minhyung everything. Minhyung was furious and he was coming there right now. Donghyuck would wait for him. He spots Yuta on the bench, fiddling with his thumbs, a small smile on his face. From where Donghyuck stands, it looks like Yuta is talking. Maybe he’s met Jaemin, Donghyuck thinks and decides to stay out of the way.  
He crosses over to the other side of the road. Minhyung will turn up here, very angry and he’d have to take the blow. For now, he leans against the pillar of the arcade on this side of the road, across the bench and decides to just watch.

When Minhyung reaches, he looks visibly upset and he isn’t paying attention to his surroundings. He can see Yuta across the road and he just needs to get there. Before Donghyuck can reveal himself, Taeyong has caught up.

“You little—I told you to” he breathes hard, “take your coat” he holds it out as he bends to brace himself on his knees.  
“Huh?” Minhyung says distractedly. He hadn’t even noticed Taeyong behind him. That he’d chalk up to the fact that Taeyong is so tiny, never comes out in winters and that Taeyong and the sports don’t go together in the same sentence—

 

 

“Hyung!” he hears a scream. The voice is too familiar and Minhyung’s blood runs cold just as he hears the screech of tyres right after it. He watches Yuta step on to the road into oncoming traffic. He has a strange faraway look about him that seems detached from reality. Something rushes past Minhyung.

 

It’s Taeyong.

 

Minhyung’s frozen yet again, feet stuck to the ground. But he’s able to scream this this time. Scream for his brother to stop. When Minhyung forces himself forward to run after Taeyong, a pair of arms cage him protectively and pull him back. They fall to the ground just as Taeyong pulls Yuta to safety and the container truck screeches past almost tipping over after zooming past them.  
Minhyung breathes again, gut churning inside. He sees Taeyong and Yuta collapse on the ground in each others arms and Jaemin standing over them. He realises there’s arms around him too, still wrapped around him tightly and someone’s chin on his shoulder who’s still catching his breath. Minhyung also realises a racing heartbeat against his back much in the same condition as his own.

 

Donghyuck.

 

 

On the other side, Yuta shivers in Taeyong’s arms, crying uncontrollably, apologising repeatedly.

“It’s okay, I’m here now” Taeyong shushes him, pulling him impossibly close and running a hand through his hair. “I’m here” he says tenderly.

“I had to save Nana. I thought he was going to die. I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Yuta cries. Taeyong chokes. Yuta saw something. Taeyong considers the possibility of hallucination and the idea that perhaps Yuta can see something that no one else can. But if it was Jaemin, he would never drive his brother to death, he was sure of it.

Minhyung and Donghyuck reach Yuta and Taeyong. Minhyung wants to punch Taeyong, maybe. He’d take care of that later. He looks at Jaemin for an explanation. Jaemin looks down at Donghyuck’s hand clasped tightly in Minhyung’s and smiles back at him. Donghyuck looks distractedly at Yuta and Taeyong, afraid to break the moment by saying anything. Jaemin speaks to Minhyung.

“I talked to my brother. Everything’s alright. He knows it’s not his fault that I died but the grief is so very difficult to overcome. In a moment of weakness, he thought I was there again on the road, bleeding, dying. So, he walked out to reach me and forgot momentarily, that I was right beside him” Jaemin says, standing close to Yuta. “I couldn’t stop him like Haeun. I can’t do those things anymore”

Jaemin still seems so pale and weak but it seems like the weight has been lifted off his shoulders. With all he can muster, he reaches out and runs his fingers through Yuta’s hair comfortingly. It brushes over Taeyong’s hand who gasps and pulls back.

 

“Did you—did you feel that?” he asks Yuta. Yuta nods between tears and laughter, jumping back into Taeyong’s arms and smiling kindly at Jaemin. “Is—is Nana here? I think he may have called out to me” Taeyong buries his face into Yuta’s neck. Yuta only sniffles with a sound of affirmation, chuckling lightly.

Donghyuck squats down beside Yuta, his hand slipping from Minhyung’s as he pats Yuta’s back comfortingly. Minhyung whispers into the air, for Jaemin to hear.

 

“How long till you disappear?”

 

“I think I’ll last another sunset” Jaemin smiles back at Minhyung.

 

-

 

“You really think he’ll show?” Jeno asks Minhyung curiously. The boys walk to the infamous bench to meet Jaemin. Jeno walks beside Minhyung while Renjun and Donghyuck trail behind. It’s so very cold and Minhyung’s glad he’s buried inside many many layers of clothing. He’s also in a better mood than he’d been the past month and decidedly, come to terms with all that had happened.

 

He will not cry when Jaemin leaves.

 

Minhyung’s breathes in the fresh, clear air. “Funny, Jaemin asked the same thing about you yesterday” Minhyung actually laughs this time.  
Jeno rolls his eyes. Minhyung knows it’s a long shot, believing that the guys may actually be able to see Jaemin. Magical sunsets or not, he’s invited them out to watch the sunset together and ‘maybe, if you’re very lucky, you’ll see Jaemin too’, he’d said.

At the bench, Donghyuck settles in Minhyung’s usual right corner. Minhyung takes the middle. Jeno goes to sit in the left corner.

“Careful. Jaemin is right there” Minhyung warns Jeno just as he’s about to sit.

“Holy shit what the fu—” Jeno jumps and shuffles away as quickly as possible, terrified expression on his face, dramatic hand on his chest heaving for air. Everyone laughs. Jeno sulks and stands behind the bench. Renjun joins him.

Jaemin laughs too, umbrella shaking on his shoulder as he turns to look at said butt of the joke. Minhyung eyes his considerably healthier looking figure appreciatively before turning back to Jeno.

“Did I mention, Jaemin wanted to especially meet you. He’s heard tales of your handsomeness from cool ol’ me” Minhyung says smugly, waving a hand in the air, expecting a thanks. Jeno shrieks inhumanely. Renjun has a mini cardiac arrest.

“Woah, back off ghost boy. This is my man” Renjun pouts, encircling his arms around Jeno, looking in the general direction of the empty seat where he thinks Jaemin’s face might possibly be. Jaemin laughs again. Donghyuck slaps Minhyung’s back, laughing so hard and Minhyung can only imagine what the five of them would be doing had Jaemin actually been here with them.

“Renjun is kinda really cute” Jaemin says. “I’d probably like him more than Jeno” he laughs.

“Careful lover boy” Minhyung teases Renjun “Jaemin has eyes on you. Jeno is so last month” Minhyung adds fuel to fire, stifling bubbling laughter as Donghyuck outright snorts beside him at the change in Jeno’s expression.

“Yeah?” Renjun’s arms fall from around Jeno who looks on in disbelief. “Well I don’t mind” Renjun shrugs good naturedly, playing along, eyes twinkling.

“I do” Jeno says defensively, exchanging places with Renjun by almost a little too literally, picking him up and dropping him where he stood before. “Where is this guy, I’m gonna sock him in the face and knock out all his teeth” Jeno raises his fist threateningly.

Under the warm, pale hues of the setting sun behind dark clouds, Jeno gets teased endlessly for feeling jealous of a ghost. They laugh rowdily as light fades from the town with each passing minute. In the last few minutes for the sun to completely disappear, Jaemin requests a song. As Minhyung tells the boys, Donghyuck is happy to fulfil it.

Donghyuck’s soft voice is a beautiful against the last light. Everyone listens. The quiet is comfortable. And if the sun needed a better sending off, Donghyuck’s voice was probably it. He leans back against the backrest and closes his eyes as he reaches the bridge of the song. The sun dips behind the hills and clouds close in on the crest, sending brilliant orange rays of disappearing light fanning across the sky.

 

A collective gasp brings Donghyuck back into his senses.

 

He hastily opens his eyes to find a handsome boy standing in front of him with a blue umbrella perched on his shoulder. He wears this grey half sweater and a navy blue blazer over white pants, unaffected by the cold and he has beautiful, kind eyes.

 

“Don’t stop silly” he says to Donghyuck.

 

“Jaemin?” Donghyuck stutters, looking back and forth between Minhyung and Jaemin. Minhyung looks at Jaemin and nods with a proud smile, watery eyes. If Jeno and Renjun didn’t completely believe Minhyung before, they do now.

Donghyuck finishes the song. “I told you so” Jaemin grins at Minhyung. He can only nod while Donghyuck looks on curiously. Jeno prompty reaches out to touch Jaemin and needless to say his hand goes right through.

“Oh wow” he says “I’m not imagining this am I?” He shakes his head when he hears Jaemin laugh for an answer. Renjun smacks Jeno. “That’s enough. You’re being rude” he complains.

“I wish we’d met earlier. Before any of this” Jaemin says, looking at Minhyung’s friends meaningfully. “I’m still glad to have known pieces of you, even if from Minhyung” he says gratefully. “You all came at the right time”

Jaemin turns to Donghyuck and kneels in front of him. “Hey. You and I, we could’ve made a great team against those two” he points at Renjun and Jeno. Donghyuck laughs and Minhyung turns around to see Jeno protesting. “Seriously though, Minhyung can’t hold an argument to save his life” Jaemin rolls his eyes and Donghyuck couldn’t agree more.

“Wow you’ve known each other for all of five minutes and you’re already teaming up against me” Minhyung narrows his eyes at them. “I’m right here by the way. Just saying. I can hear everything”

Jaemin ignores him, looking back at Donghyuck. “He can be such a drama queen at times” Jaemin says. “And thick headed” Jaemin looks at him knowingly. Donghyuck blushes at the realisation.

“Don’t give it up. He’ll come around eventually. Yeah?” Jaemin says tenderly. Donghyuck nods bashfully.

 

“Hey” Minhyung interrupts. “Speak in English!”

 

Jaemin resists the urge to roll his eyes again and stands in front of Minhyung while Jeno and Renjun snicker behind them. Jaemin towers over Minhyung’s seated form.

“Shut up dweeb, I’m coming to you. Patience is virtue” he says.

“Right. There you go with the nicknames again” Minhyung crosses his arms across his chest and sits back grumpily.

“Listen up grumpy cat” Jaemin calls.

“What the hell?” Minhyung looks up defiantly, only to see Jaemin laugh at him, eyes crinkled around the corners. Needless to say, Minhyung melts immediately.

 

“You missed the apple harvest didn’t you?” Jaemin chastises him.

“Well whose fault do you think that was?” Minhyung complains. Jaemin sighs.

“Don’t miss it next year. It’ll be Christmassy” Jaemin snorts, teasing. Minhyung smiles. There's a moment of comfortable silence, and Minhyung's eyes roam Jaemin's face to desperately memorise every detail. When his eyes catch Jaemin's, he's pleased to see something very close to yearning, so extremely content and devoid of desolation.

“Rock that audition next month” Jaemin pumps an enthusiastic fist in the air making them all laugh. He sighs happily.

“Alright then. I suppose it’s time to leave” Jaemin stretches a little, lethargically like a cat. It startles everyone, the sudden announcement.

 

“I thought you’d stay longer bud” Jeno says quietly. Jaemin smiles at the endearment.

“I held out so long only so I could meet you Jeno” Jaemin teases. Renjun laughs from the side. Donghyuck shakes his head at Jeno. Minhyung can’t seem to laugh all that sincerely.

 

In the silence that follows, Minhyung’s small voice quivers as he asks “So there really are no happy endings huh?”. His eyes fixate on hands shaking uneasily on his lap.

 

“Hey, look at me” Jaemin says. Minhyung does so, reluctantly. “Look at all these people around you. You have friends. Donghyuck, Renjun and Jeno” Minhyung looks. Renjun and Jeno have hands on his shoulder, strong and supportive and Donghyuck’s fingers are intertwined in his. He hadn’t noticed.

“There’s Taeyong hyung and Yuta-nii and there’s your wonderful music and this audition next month” Jaemin smiles at him. “This is your happy ending silly” Jaemin says.

 

“But without you” Minhyung protests.

 

“But I’ll be right here, in our small town. You know where to find me, don’t you?” Jaemin asks just as he begins ascending off the ground inch by inch and turning transparent with each passing second. Minhyung nods, smiling sadly. He stands in front of Jaemin now. All supportive hands fall off and for a moment, it’s just Minhyung and Jaemin.

 

“I’ll miss you nerd” Minhyung says.

With the last of his strength, Jaemin curls his hand around Minhyung’s neck and leans in. Minhyung’s eyes flutter close just as he hears a whisper “I’ll miss you too”. He feels a tickle on his forehead and when he opens his eyes, Jaemin has faded away.

 

A beat later, he sinks back into the bench. All supportive hands reach back for him nervously and for that one second, he lets them. He leans back against the backrest and closes his eyes, thankful for silence. There are no questions to answer and Minhyung just takes a deep breath and exhales loudly with a groan.

 

When he opens his eyes, everything is a little clearer, the air is colder and his friends are smiling at him. With new found energy, Minhyung stands and looks at all his friends.

“Holy shit it’s cold. Let’s get inside” he shivers and breaks into a walk down to the crossing. He hears laughter behind him and quick footsteps, some shoving and all of a sudden, three boys right beside him. He smiles to himself, biting his lip and sniffling.

 

Minhyung does not cry that night. Not the next night or for many nights for a long time.

 

And it snows.

 

-

 

 

/end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -
> 
>  
> 
> so  
> Nakamoto Jaemin  
> /dives behind my bed
> 
>  
> 
> there also may or may not be an epilogue-fic /markhyuck, noren/ but that may happen tomorrow, day after or twenty years later who knows. there is no in between
> 
> also this is probably my last markmin fic...my lil man jaemin is out there recovering and meanwhile markhyuck has become a fucking armada. even if markhyuck is not your ship, you can't deny its existence jfc. Noren is happening outta nowhere /in the absence of my boy sobs.
> 
> That's it. I'm declaring my new ships to write for. It's Jaemin x Yukhei. Or Jaemin x Yukhei x Jungwoo.
> 
> grr.
> 
>  
> 
> *more ranting in the name of notes later
> 
> @markleeder on tumblr if you wanna yell at me


End file.
